Friday 7 December 2018

Who's That Fanfic? It's Pokémon!

Y'know, I can understand wanting to rewrite a blank main character to be more interesting. When you're stuck with a generic, static caricature for several hundred episodes, fans may want to see something slightly different... but why does everyone seem to want tryhard edgelords?

Today's story is Ghost of an Ideal, by CrossTheDeadKnight. It is... well, it sure is something, alright.

Accuse for unknown reasons and Betrayed by his friends, All of Ash's Pokémon turned on him even his best friend as he came back years later as one of Alola's representative to participate in a tournament, Ash was more mean and cruel towards people outside his friend-zone, how will he fair his new public life?

So Ash was betrayed by all of his friends? Literally all of them? As in, every single character he befriended from episode 1 to... whatever Alola episode the show's on now? Damn, Ash must have fucked up pretty bad to make that happen. I can't wait to find out the cause! Let's get started...

A man wearing a black sleeveless hooded shirt and black long pants was lying on a messy bed with a Beedrill beside him as he glanced at the ceiling above his head.
'Thinking about that day?' A voice asked.

How strange. Usually I'm told that the character is wearing sneakers/trainers. Which would be solid black, because that's the diverse colour palette established so far.

'Nothing you need to know, and I wish I don't remember it.' The man sneered.
"We've been ruthless for the past four years until we were accepted here and lived for two years.' Beedrill responded

That has absolutely nothing to do with the previous question asked, Beedrill. Why did you randomly state that nonsensical piece of exposition?

...Oh, right, according to a text guide at the top of the chapter, 'speech like this' denotes Aura/telepathy speech, so the drill-wielding giant bee isn't actually speaking. At last fanfic writers remember Ash has the former ability...?

The man looked at the wall as he shut his eye, remembering the day that he was falsely accused by the PLA for a deed he didn't do.

Given that this man is obviously Ash, who is forever ten years old, I have to wonder how he's a man at all. we can pretend time decided to exist and place him at... fourteen years old at most. Unless his new edgy persona grew a beard of sorrow or something.

(Flashback, 6 Years Ago)

Oh, I guess there was a two-year delay or something between Betrayal Day and now. Sure, I guess you don't become an edgelord overnight.

-Ash has the most generic dream about everyone walking away from him. How prophetic-

The morning rose as the boy got up to leave, and right after he left something rose from the ground looking at him.

...Are you... going to elaborate what the 'something' is, or...?

-They run to Professor Oak's lab. Apparently this took fifteen minutes-
The door soon swung open to reveal Professor Oak who seems disappointed and was something that Ash did not take note of as the young man started to speak.

Oak is not amused that after... just about twenty years worth of episodes, Ash has managed to fill up 50 or so slots on the Pokédex, spanning nearly 1000 species right now. Step up your game, dude!

-Ash then returns to his home-
"Finally, we're home Pikachu, we got second place in the Kalos league against those Mega Evolution trainers." Ash remarked as Piakchu nodded.

"It's a shame I lost to a guy that had both Mega Mewtwo X and a Mega Rayquaza, but I'm sure everyone was happy with that battle!"

What even is a Mega Evolution trainer? Are they allowed to use more than one at a time or something? Does a whole group of them flood the league and beat everyone up?

The boy opened the door to see many familiar faces from all around his journey, from what he could tell they didn't have a friendly look, were they all here to congratulate him or something?

...Ash. Think that through again, please. 'They don't have a friendly look', 'they must be here to congratulate me'?

"If you think we're here to congratulate you, think again, because WE will never celebrate with a cheater like you!" She yelled directly at Ash's face.Ash turn from happy to shock as he faced them, what were they talking about? He doesn't cheat not in any unfair methods.

Not in unfair methods, huh. So I assume Ash is the kind of guy that advocates for using Big Head Mode in league tournaments, but isn't so keen on God Mode? Fair enough.

"What?! Then tell me, what did I cheat in!" Ash challenged.
"The PLA found several prohibited items inside your locker during the Kalos League, they even got picture evidence!" Brock yelled.

...And those items were... what? Rare Candies? Carbos? Something completely useless since they were in a random locker, and not being used during a battle?

"That has got to be a lie! I don't cheat!" Ash continued to protest.
"Your punishment has already been carried out! Why don't you just quit, little kids like you don't deserve to be trainers!" Iris screeched.

I like to imagine Iris is just doing that Godzilla scream, there.

"The whole town already hates you tarnishing their name, even Gary did better than you!" Ash turn from the corner of his eye to see his mother, was she against him as well?

Oof, man. Good thing Gary isn't part of this hate mob, that might've hurt his feelings.

Oh yeah I should really question this, huh? Why is every single travelling companion shitting on him, when they know Ash doesn't cheat? Brock mentioned evidence, buuuuuut where is it? Assuming Ash did 'cheat', what exactly was so horrendous to warrant this kind of reaction?!

"Face it, people from the boonies can never win other leagues unless they cheated like you did!" Trip yelled.

It's a small town directly next to a very large city, not an isolated village tucked between mountains. Calm the fuck down, whoever you are.

"If you say punishment, what type of punishment!" Ash yelled, in his heart he already sensed that his nightmare was going to become a reality, but in his mind, he believes that it wasn't real.
"Follow us, and you'll find out but don't regret it." Dawn sneered.

Hoo boy, I can't wait to find out what illegal retribution far worse than Ash's supposed crime turns out to be!

Ash hesitantly followed the group as they arrive outside of Professor Oak's lab, Brock opened the door as they went inside, Ash could see Professor Oak staring at him with a huge look of disappointment.

That look has surely been permanently fixed to his face at this point.

"I hardly believe this Ash, to think you would cheat and as your sponsor I find it shameful that I let you start your journey." The professor shook his head in disappointment.

Why were you even fucking born, Ash.

"I'm afraid I have already carried out your punishment, and as the order came from the PLA, I have released all your Pokémon back to the wild and have given them to worthy trainers that doesn't cheat like you." The elderly professor responded.

Pallet Town was promptly overrun by a pack of Tauros, a sentient pile of sludge that loved hugs, and an obese monstrosity that flopped on top of little Timmy and hasn't moved since. Good job, Oak and PLA.

"R-R-R-RELEASED!" Ash roared.
"Of course, why does a cheater like you need Pokémon for?" Tracey sneered.

...Companionship? They exist for more than glorified cock battles, Mr. I Draw Pokémon For A Living.

"What about the ones I left with you this morning!" Ash yelled.
"I too have released them back into the wilds, your journey ends here Ash." Oak answered calmly.

Because there is literally no way Ash can walk over to a shop and buy a couple more Pokéballs.

Not believing a single word, Ash ran into the ranch to see that to his horror were true, not a single one of his Pokémon were left and even if they were there, they didn't like him at all as his heart sank into darkness.

How do you even know that? How would his Pokémon even know he 'cheated'?

Ash turn his head to Pikachu who hopped off and walked towards the other side as his heart sank deeper and deeper into darkness, his worst nightmare came true, no one believed in him and everyone hates him.

You know better than anyone he didn't cheat you stupid little shit.

He ran out of the ranch as he cried leaving a few smirking traitors behind him.
"A cheater like him doesn't need Pokémon, and now they're all but ours for the taking!" Misty cheered.

Ooooohhhh... so every single one of Ash's friends were secretly evil the entire time, and had carefully waited for the exact moment to... uh... did he really cheat? Seems weird to maintain he's a cheater when he's no longer around, Misty.

The rest agreed as they ran around the ranch, and at a corner of the lab was a huge pile of smashed poke balls.

I guess none of them considered the idea that smashing a Pokéball with a monster inside it is slightly lethal to said monster. Oh well, not like Ash was gonna use them anyway!

Ash stopped in the forest near Pallet Town as he leans against the tree with dead looks in his eye, a bush rustled beside him as a Weedle came out.
"What's wrong human?" It asked.

Unlike the Beedrill this must inevitably become, Weedle is using actual quotation marks. Meaning this little guy is actually talking. Not bad for a bug that doesn't even have a mouth.

"Nothing is wrong, nothing." Ash replied with a cold tone.
"It can't be nothing if you're crying." Weedle retorted.

No, Weedle, don't be fooled! He's lowering your defences with Fake Tears!

"So, it happened after all." The two turn to see a dark figure appear from the ground.
"You were trying to warn me, why didn't I believe it." Ash laughed dejectedly at his own foolishness.

This is obviously a plot point from the anime that I am unaware of, hence why this sudden appearance is treated as something we should already know about.

He stood up as he took out his pokedex, without a second of hesitation, the kanto trainer drived a sharp wood through the red device as Weedle faced him.

"You realise that you just destroyed one of the greatest encyclopedic tools ever created for no reason, correct?" The speech-capable worm asked incredulously, for he was a lot smarter than the ten-year old trainer with twenty year's worth of training and battling experience.

"Without that, how will you do anything?" The little bug asked.
"I have a plan."
During the night, Ash sneaked into Professor Oak's lab as he took a pokedex that was meant for a new trainer,

...I...

...But you just...

why

he went to the machine to removed two things, one was his limit capacity and second was the tracking device.

So Professor Oak is the one that owns a nondescript machine that sucks away Ash's Pokéball's once he has six? Does it work on every trainer in the world? How and why would you turn that off?

Also, what tracking device? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS

He soon walked back to the woods as he looks at the two in front of him.
"Do you guys want to come with me?" He asked darkly.
"Of course." Both Pokémon agreed.

On the condition that Ash never try that hardcore villain voice ever again.

Hold up, two Pokémon? What? The dark figure's a Pokémon? Uh... glad to... find that out? I guess?

Ash tossed two dusk ball that he stole on the way back, the ball hit the two Pokémon as they got sucked in with a click of no resistance.

~SYMBOLIC CHOICE OF POKéBALL~

"From this day forth, Ash Ketchum is dead, there shall be a Ghost to spread terror." Ash said darkly as he smirks before leaving the area.

What, was Tri-edge too silly for you?

(Current Day)
'Six years and your name were cleared.' Darkrai started.

It took six years for obvious bullshit to be disproved? Also hi Darkrai.

'That still doesn't change the fact that they ruined my life, because of them, this is who I become.' Ash retorted.

I mean... you could have, like... not become a bitter ass? Granted, I've never had fifty people from my life suddenly accuse me of cheating because they were secretly evil bastards the whole time, but you could've been the bigger man, Ash.

He opened the door to see a few people dancing around a radio that was radiating music.

That... that is an odd sight to see outside your front door, really.

-Ash shoos them away, then goes to school with Guzma. Okay then-

Arriving at some sort of school, Ash walked in to see a few people greeting him and as Beedrill said, he was never friendly towards people outside of Alola.

Why? So wait, he hates literally everyone from Kanto, Johto and everywhere else that's not Alola? Because that's where all his other friends came from?

Ash please use your logics.

A man soon walked in as he looked at the entire gang including Ash who was sitting on the railing, obviously not afraid of falling over.

omg so cool

"I got a letter, so who wants to have the honor of reading it?" Kukui said out loud.
"Why don't you read it, Ghost?" Mallow questioned.
"Hell, no." Ash rejected darkly.

Ash really hates being called by his silly new name that he decided to call himself.

"Come on, It's just a letter Ghost." Lana added.
"If you're so free, why don't you read it." He sneered.
"Well, you are the strongest here among us." Kiawe retorted.

It is a well-known custom in Alola that only the very best, like no one ever was, are taught how to read.

-Ash finally reads the letter, written by President Goodshow. I guess he heads the PLA-

I would like you to have some of your trainers to participate in this year's World Cup, the venue will be at the Indigo Plateau within the Kanto region and the rules will be explained during the events, from what we know you had a trainer we really want you to have participate.

It's a good thing Ash got rid of that inexplicable tracking device. It's done wonders hiding his location... why did he even need to hide away to begin with?

PS: If you are joining, I thank you in advance if you can bring Ghost along.

I assume Goodshow was worried the letter was too subtle, and thus had to explicitly spell out that he wanted Ghost Ash to participate... how does everyone know he changed his name? Why does the narrative keep calling him Ash, anyway?

-Ash argues with everyone about not wanting to go-

"Is it because your affiliation with Team Skull?" Lilie questioned.
"No, if you have read the news four years ago about the league results." Ash pointed to the news on Sophocles computer.

What the hell is a Sophocles computer and why is it showing news from four years ago? Also, was it four or six years ago this stuff happened, story? You can't seem to decide.

"We actually already knew." Kukui responded.
"Then why do you still want to send me? You know I'm just going to send them all to the hospital." Ash sneered.
"We believe you won't, now what do you say?" Kukui said with a smile as Ash sigh.

Calling it now, Kukui masterminded the whole betrayal. He's a dirty rat and I bet he uses Uber teams.

"Fine, I was hoping to go there myself anyways." Ash responded as he fell over to only be carried away by a Flygon who flew away.
"Please be there, Anabel." He thought.

"I don't wanna go. Okay fine, I wanted to go anyway."

Meanwhile inside a building, laid a lilac girl on her bed as he gazed at the ceiling above her head.
"Will you be there? Ash?" She thought.

D'aw, a romance between a... fourteen? Sixteen? Year old and... a lady about double his age. Let's hope he's the latter age at least.

-Anabel flashbacks to pining for Ash. As you do. I guess she went to visit his home on That Fateful Day-
The lilac haired girl knocked on the door before opening it, upon gazing inside she could see three familiar faces and several she didn't met before.
"Oh, hey there, Anabel." Brock greeted.
"Hello there, may I know where Ash is?" She questioned.

"While I'm asking questions, why is there, like, seventy people crammed into the house?"

The group looked at each other as May decided to come up with a lie.
"Oh, he left just a moment ago." May lied.

...Isn't that exactly what happened, though? May, do you even know how lies work?

"He said that something was after him so he left, he also left all of his Pokémon behind and Pikachu is he proof of that." Max added.
"And he said that the thing that was after him should arrive around this time." Brock finished.

What, was Pikachu going to weigh him down as he fled? You people are so bad at this.

-Anabel leaves in tears, ending the flashback-

(Current Day)
Anabel looked at the clouds as she begin to cry again, because the cloud she happen to stare at was Ash.

The... Ash-shaped clouds... on her ceiling...?

"Will you at the tournament?" She thought.
Unknowingly to both sides, Ash and Anabel were thinking of the same thing.
"I want to meet you again." They both thought.

So if I've got this right... the only way the author could justify an Ash/Anabel ship was to... turn everyone else that's ever been named in the show into evil, moustache-twirling shitheels? That's.. well I guess it's a tad more extreme than the usual "fuck the canon pairing here's my version" fanfic.

So that was hilariously silly, really. It feels like it's trying to be edgy and dark, yet absolutely nothing makes sense, from Pikachu thinking Ash 'cheated', to talking Weedles and calling himself Ghost except not really... wow.

Though if I may inject my own headcanon, that Weedle/Beedrill is totally the same one Ash failed to catch all those years ago. His (new) best buddy was setup from the very beginning!

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