I'm So Lost I Don't Even Have Time To Complain About a Male OC Hanging Around With The All-Female Cast

Love Live is a pretty okay anime attached to some decent songs, starring a group of nine girls becoming school idols for school-related reasons. Also vague yuri undertones. But I feel like there's something missing from these slice-of-life shows that exist to sell CD's. Something a bit... grittier... maybe more magical in nature? Luckily, a kind soul has it covered. Love Live School Idol Project - The Chaotic Rider by Blackblur143, tells us this;

Darion Arisaka living normal life has intense hardships and also struggled a lot in his life especially when transferring to Otonokizawa High slight of miracle occurred. Darion also receives the gift of a unique spirit of vengeance himself Rath of Pride...This is their story and we will learn more about what to come to the present...

Which should be all you need to know about the premise of this story, really. That said, I suppose I do have a question or two. Like, what is a slight of miracle? What's this about a spirit of vengeance? What is a Wrath of Pride? I, uh, guess I'll just have to read and find out.

I started off viewing the old Tokyo...been a year since I been here I wonder how are they are doing...It was something else over there in America

If that sentence makes no sense to you, worry not, I'm clueless as to what's going on, too. It's the first sentence of the story (not counting a POV indicator and something about a captain's ship) and it has established that... uh...well, that a year has passed for this guy.

I was struggling but it was alright after all facing Leon...and losing him to a martial arts tournament over there causing us to be in a draw between us heh he's sure improved hmm...

I guess Leon sure did improve, beating you in a fight, thus leading to a draw...?

"Hmm?" I asked looking at my phone "...Look over the bridge...?" I asked reading a message from Umi saw her with Honoka and Kotori "...Well then," I said smirked as our ride slowly heading off to their location port as I had my eyes closed meditating for a bit feeling understanding of the past...

Oh hey, Love Live characters! Forgot what setting this was supposed to be in, there. Also how does one feel an understanding of the past? Can I learn this ability, it feels like a required skill for this story.

-Flashback time to... childhood in general I suppose!-

I was running off in the park annoyed "Why does she keep following me!?" I yelled annoyed looked at Honoka growled "Darion!" Honoka yelled, "What do you want Honoka?!" I yelled annoyed "Let's be friends!" Honoka yelled, "No why should I!?" I yelled

I feel like there's a lot of annoyed yelling going on. Is anyone else seeing all the annoyed yelling?

 "I don't want you to endure the pain alone!" Honoka yelled "...?" I asked confused

How does that constitute an actual question, I queried baffled.

"...I WON'T LET YOU DO THIS DARION!" Honoka yelled stared at me as I growled looking away till felt her hug from behind as I was shocked eyes widened for a bit...

What's with this Darion fellow constantly growling? Feels a wee bit rude.

-Let's ignore Kotori and Umi showing up so we can skip to middle school-

"Like you care Kotori-san now let me continue working," I said practicing alone "...FINE IF YOU WANT TO GET YOURSELF KILLED THEN I DON'T CARE!" Kotori yelled throwing her necklace into the trash

uh shit did i skip too far the hell is this all about

Seriously though, this comes immediately after the scene shifts to 'middle school'. The lack of context is not helpful.

"I WANT THE DARION-KUN I ADMIRE BACK CAUSE YOUR NOT HIM AND BEING IDIOT! I HATE YOU DARION-KUN!" Kotori yelled *SLAPPPEDD* and took off running away as I groaned clutching my cheek (K-Kotori strike me in the face!?) I thought shocked

I'd be shocked too if you could make this girl slap you in anger:

"YOUR NOT HIM AND BEING IDIOT! I HATE YOU DARION-KUN!""

"...As much you don't like it Darion but who been there for you most of the time when Honoka and Umi were busy?" Terios asked stared at me as I was silent 

 

Oh, hello, didn't see you there. Who the hell are you? Terios isn't getting an explanation, are they?

"...She's not wrong your not training all your doing is setting yourself up into failure" Terios said as I clenched my fist a little glaring down...

 

What is he even training for please tell me I don't understand.

"KOTORIIIII!" I yelled enraged trying to catch her as Chaotic Nightwatcher she gasped as I dashed tackled her turned crashed down on the hard floor as laughed "YOU LOST CHAOTIC NIGHTWATCHERRR!" yelled as I glared down "HOW ABOUT YOU ROTT IN HELL!" I yelled spinning firing a giant green beam of light eradicating Spiligton into ashes burned away...

I... uh... that combination words comes immediately after that previous sentence. I am so, so lost and maybe a little scared now. How do I even begin to parse this event? Darion is now this 'Chaotic Nightwatcher' person... shoving Kotori away from... I guess Spiligton? Spiligton wanted to kill Kotori for some reason? Also magic happens.

Seriously what did I just read?!

-And so... sigh. Chaotic Nightwatcher flies Kotori off to wherever Honoka and Umi are-

flew off looking for Honoka and Umi landed to them then glared up at the machine glowing "...Someone has to stop it" I said sweatdrop

????????????????????????????????

"You will never make it!" Honoka yelled "I gotta try," I said smirked floated up weakly "NIGHTWATCHERRR!" Umi yelled as I got blasted getting fired on...

Uh I guess that's a shame for him but seriously what the fuck is going on.

I was weakened out of my suit trying to shut down the machine throwing a mini energy sphere inside of it as Kotori raced over with Umi and Barry "H-Hang on Darion!" Barry yelled

AND WHO IN THE NAME OF SNOW HALATION IS BARRY

"Agh..." I said as we all got out of time... "I'm sorry Kotori...looks like Chaotic Nightwatcher passed on..."

So the absolutely nothing I have been able to discern is that Darion is a... I hesitate to call him a superhero, but y'know. His identity is a secret, and I guess he had a special suit to hide it, but now he's out of the suit... after being blasted by this random machine... right in front of everyone else. Did they not notice him falling out or something?

"...D-Darion!?" Honoka yelled "...Heh...I took too much damage..." I said tiredly "D-Darion-kun don't leave us!" Kotori yelled "...I-I'm so sorry! I forgive you don't leave me too!" Kotori yelled "...DARIONNNNN!" Umi yelled as silence engulfed the area...

And with that... er, emotional finish, we move forward another year. But still within the realm of a flashback. I think. Why is this even a flashback when there's so many jumps in time anyway?

"...WHA?!" I yelled sweatdrop looked at Kotori "...Uhh, you okay Kotori-chan?" I asked sweatdrop "Memory wipe!?" Umi yelled 

Can everyone please stop yelling sweatdrop you're all right next to each other sweatdrop.

"Are you always so loud?" I asked looked at Honoka sweatdrop

I like this line because in this whole paragraph, which started with the above sentence and then had this Barry guy exposit that Darionj now has amnesia, Honoka has yet to say a word.

(Darion?) Terios thought (Yes Terios?) I thought sweatdrop then (Focus and let your mind feel the energy flowing inside of you) Terios thought as I was confused but did what he says when I'm alone at night...

This amnesia just so happens to wipe his memories of the girls - the characters we actually know - but he still seems to remember Terios, who as far as I can tell is just a voice in his head? I'm starting to think this has no business being a Love Live fanfiction at all.

"...Arrgghhh," I said groaning in pain but stared at myself confused "Ah shit Kotori and everyone!" I muttered, "Yeah I'm moving away...for a year damn it..." I said annoyed as time goes on...

Oddly specific amount of time. Why move away at all? Aren't you always annoyed as time goes on?

-And then I guess he fights with this Leon guy over and over until the present day. I sure am glad we get to learn about all these wonderful OC's. Anyways, he disembarks from the boat I guess he was riding on-

as I nodded looked at Honoka running towards me "D-Darry-kun!" Honoka yelled "OW! J-Jeez...Demanding Queen still same as ever eh?" I asked "...I hate you" Honoka said hugging "...Yep" I said sighed but smirked

Awkward reunions are awkward. I'll skip over most of this paragraph, but I must ask how they knew to meet when he's had zero contact with them all year? Umi even knew when to message him as he was travelling on that boat and everything.

 "...Darion...you baka...

IF ONLY ENGLISH HAD A WORD THAT WAS EQUIVALENT TO THIS STRANGE ENIGMATIC EXPRESSION UNIQUE ONLY TO JAPAN

And then they have a big group hug. By the way, Barry's there again. Why does he keep suddenly popping up in the middle of scenes and pretending he was always present?

*AT NIGHT*

"Darion are you ready?" Terios asked as I adjusted my gloves "Yeah what's in our pay raise this time?" I asked smirked looking around the city as red icons popped on my screen

What's in your... wha? Do you even understand what a pay raise is?

"...Well since we been gone for a year not many big things happened though there are some yakuza and gangs that need to be clean up" Terios said "Well then let's get to work" I said jump down glowing red and took off on a motorcycle glaring down...

Well have fun fighting crime, Batman. I'll, uh... go back to watching a show about a group of girls singing songs and doing school stuff, I guess.

Well, that's the end of that chapter, and... hoo boy. I feel like the issues are glaringly obvious here, but let me just ask one question. Why oh why do these fanfics always choose the most unfitting settings for their strange high fantasy things? Of all the anime in the world, you thought Love Live was the one that needed some super-powered vigilante MC that fights giant machines, unseen villains, and... according to what I skimmed and saw, human traffickers?! It's... it's okay to write original fiction, you don't have to jam this square peg into a brick wall. Trust me, as a bad writer that tries to shoehorn needlessly dark elements into light-hearted scenarios, some elements just do not mix.

Nico Nico Nii~

Pokemon Ruination: See, I Can Write Terrible Fanfiction Too!

So how have you guys been enjoying your Quarantine? With all this having to stay indoors, interacting with others as little as possible, I gotta say... life for me's been pretty normal! Still procrastinating away on actually writing my own stories, and these days I'm not even reading much of other people's fanfiction. What to do?

Why, read my own fanfiction, of course!

It'll be a challenge, mostly because my stuff is written so utterly blandly that it's a struggle to make fun of anything, but hey, I can at least try and remember the thought processes behind my creative decisions, right? As for what to comment on... well, given how utterly perfect and wonderful the stories on my fanfiction.net account are, it's obviously impossible to make fun of those. Nah, I'll need to dig deeper, to the days before I wrote such amazing plotlines as 'what if Wriggle actually liked getting punched by an older woman" and "what if some grimderp idiot wanted to blow up Gensokyo because why not".

...Holy shit that was me after improving.

-----

Pokemon: Ruination, written by yours truly, is a Pokemon fanfic in which... Missingno appears. It's... bad. really bad. No need to mince words, I can take it. How does Missingno appear? Stupidity. What does it do? Be a terrible creepypasta wannabe. Why did I think this was a good idea? Because I was not a smart person. Not like today, where I'm pretty godly at everything I do, of course.

No story summary, because... I dunno, the title tells you everything you need to know? At any rate, here's the first chapter... chapter 0. In which a trainer is running to Cinnabar Island's Pokemon Centre amidst torrential rain.

"My, it's really coming down," Nurse Joy commented in a conversational manner to the trainer.

"Yeah." The trainer sighed. From his tone, he wasn't in the best of spirits. Joy picked up on his mood.
"So, how'd your gym battle go?" she asked with a bright smile, although she knew the answer.

So Joy can tell this guy isn't happy and cheerfully asks him how badly he got his ass kicked by the local gym leader. Deliberately characterising Joy as a sadistic monster that enjoys the suffering of trainers, or writing so inept that characterisation changes between sentences? I will let you decide.

"Oh dear, well I'm sure you'll do better next time!" Joy encouraged, taking his offered Pokeballs. Her Pokemon Assistant, Chansey, was preparing a machine behind her. This Machine rejuvenated tired Pokemon nearly instantly.
Placing the trainers five Pokeballs inside the machine, she switched it on. The Pokeballs flashed momentarily with the Lightning outside.

You will probably find that most of the writing is... incredibly bland. Like, unbelievably bland. Blander than the last pitch you heard for an isekai story gimmick. Writing so bland it makes Twilight jokes seem funny and topical to make in 2020. What I'm getting at is that this story is really bad and boring.

"Just train some more. Blaine is strong, but I'm sure you have the potential to win!" Joy encouraged some more.
Thunder crackled outside as the boy accepted his Pokemon. "Yeah, I'm sure I will."

Honestly, if you can't beat a gym leader that uses a Super Potion on a Pokemon with full health, you maybe deserve to have a nurse rub it in your nose a little.

With a smile, Nurse Joy turned and entered a room behind her. The room was used for Pokemon who couldn't be healed by the machine, and it was time to check up an Ivysaur that had nearly drowned yesterday.

The magical machine capable of resuscitating unconscious Pokemon, thawing them without issue, healing 3rd degree burns and whatever else happens in their constant battling, can't deal with water inhalation. Sucks for you if a Blastoise took aim for your precious Sandshrew, ain't no way it's getting a quick heal.

The trainer now turned to his right, and walked towards a PC. Placing his Pokeballs on a table, except one, he logged onto the PC. He started up the Storage Program.
"You cost me that match." The trainer muttered, remembering the two on two battle he had with Blaine. Blaine's Rapidash was taken out by Dugtrio, but then his Magmar took it down. His hopes ran on the Porygon he recently caught. He was told it was a Powerful Pokemon, but Magmar took it down quicker than Dugtrio. Completely useless.

I know the Gen 1 games might as well be the Hard Mode for the series in general, but at some point you really should take responsibility for not bothering to train a Pokemon at all before taking on an expert at battling.

Placing the Pokeball on a special teleporter, he clicked 'Deposit'. Never again would he use such a weakling. It would stay in there until he could trade it or something.
Just as the Pokeball containing Porygon was being transferred, thunder struck the Centre's antennae. The signal for the computer messed up, powering down mid transfer.

That moment when your Pokemon Deposit system runs on Link Cable rules. Enjoy your cloned Porygon, random trainer!

The trainer was gripped with fear. What happened? Did the Pokemon make it to his box? Was it all right?
'Wait, why do I care?' he wondered. He hated the weak thing. At least this way, it wasn't wasting space.

"Oh no, did I just accidentally kill an innocent animal... program... sentient creature? Wait, why should I care, I already watched it get the shit kicked out of it by a creature made entirely of fire and ducklips."

-The power is restored-

The screen showed something peculiar. It was... a scrambled mess of pinkish red pixels from the look of it. The graphics card must have been damaged. But what about his Box?
The trainer was about to try and access his box when suddenly, a garbled noise came from the computer. The trainer freaked out and jumped back. The noise continued, screeching a horrible cry. It was like someone jumbled up notes on an 8-bit music player.

You thought it was a mere Pokemon fanfic, but little did you realise that it was a creepypasta all along!

Finally, it stopped, and the trainer could lower his hands from his ears. What the hell was that? Maybe he should get Nurse Joy...

What is she supposed to do, whack the PC until it stops screaming 8-bit gibberish or whatever?

The pinkish red jumble of pixels flickered. It seemed to move closer to the screen. Was it... Was it looking at him? Could it see? What the hell was it?!
The trainer stepped back uneasily. He cleared his throat, trying to call Nurse Joy, but this computer was freaking him out.

Ten years later and I still have no idea how one is supposed to discern if a jumble of pixels is looking at you. But, uh... doesn't it sure sound spooooooooooky to suggest it?

Suddenly, the screen smashed, glass flying outward. the trainer yelled and covered his face with his arms. Luckily, the glass missed him, but smoke was coming from the computer. More thunder and lightning crashed overhead as the rain pelted the island.
"What happened? Are you okay, Jerry?!" Joy shouted, running to the counter in alarm.
The trainer, Jerry, stood where he was, looking at the smoke blowing computer. He couldn't see anything through it. He could see Joy running towards him, yelling if he was okay.

This is definitely the most natural way to introduce the guy's name before he gets eaten by a glitch, yep. Can't have the cause of the plot be completely nameless, can we? We need to know Jerry's name because how else are we supposed to tell him apart from the other... let's say he's a Youngster. 

"Oh no, the computer!" She gasped as he reached Jerry's side. "How did that-"
They both froze when something emerged from the smoke. It was... Inhuman. Not even a Pokemon. It was... was...

Wires. Lots of wires. And glass, there should be plenty of that.  Maybe even a Rotom?

"That thing...That's the glitch on the screen?" Jerry muttered in terror as the pixelled entity slowly floated forward.
"W-w-what is that?" Joy stammered in terror. Chansey had come to investigate now, and it froze at the site of the creature.

Pictured: A terrifying abomination on nature

The entity, once a Pokemon, floated towards the group. It knew the young boy. It didn't know why any more, but this trainer.. hated it. Hate filled the entity, despising the trainer that had apparently wronged him. It began to glow.
"W-what's it-?" Joy stammered again, but before she could finish, the entity launched forward, too fast for them to follow.
No one in the Island heard the screams over the storm that night.

I'm sure, once you managed to unscramble the unholy noise it made, Missingno said something to the effect of "heh, nothin' personnel, kid".

And that's the prelude of this epic... mysterious... er... dark and shocking? "Story". I would be amazed that it last 16 chapter, if said chapters weren't hilariously short enough to barely cover a total of, like, ten pages or something. Before I continue on, I guess I can share the incredible biography for the characters shown up to this point. Because I guess I decided that a fanfiction based on one of the most popular video games of all time needed a space to introduce its characters.

Name: Jerry
Age: 10
Occupation: Trainer
Team: Dugtrio, ?, ?, ?
Misc: The genius who screwed up everything.

Past Me was quite the dick, huh? It wasn't like Jerry planned for a lightning bolt to kill the PC while he was using it. Actually, if something like that were a possibility, surely the Pokemon World would have failsafes for that kind of scenario? Otherwise there would be a lot of Missingno's. Or dead Pokemon floating in the void between reality and cyberspace.

Name: Nurse Joy
Age: Not a day under 30 maybe.
Occupation: Take a guess.
Team: Chansey
Misc: Would it be easier to tell them apart if they had first names?

Reasons why you never give someone access to colour tags when writing stories:

A common theme behind the misc. sections of these comprehensive character biographies are unfunny one-liners. That's... all there is to them. I guess we can move onto chapter 1 proper now.

Flying high over Pallet Town, a large dragon-like Pokemon floated high above. This orange beast, Charizard, was one of the Pokemon belonging to the newest Champion, Red.

Best starter gets to be fully evolved first in this story. It's the law.

Red sat carefully on Charizard's back, making sure not to fall off. It was great to be going home. When he left this town, he was just a newbie who knew nothing of being a Pokemon Trainer, and now he returned as Kanto's best Trainer. Beating Green for the Championship was pretty awesome too.

You'll notice that I use the name 'Green' for the rival here, because I was really into Pokemon Special back in the day, and to this day it makes way more sense to me that Blue is Green, and Green is Blue. Although I guess Blue would be Leaf, following the logic behind this fic's universe, therefore Green should be Blue, and Red remains Red.

Okay, maybe Oak can't be fully blamed for forgetting his name.

The large Pokemon glided lower and lower, towards the centre of town. Charizard remembered when it was just a Charmander, and was chosen by Red to be his first partner. He was inexperienced, but wanted to be useful to his new trainer. And now the Charmander had grown up to be a mighty Charizard.

I still struggle with brevity in my writing, but boy is it really painful looking at it here. Absolutely nothing is really conveyed here, just really short, simple statements, like a really bored recital of bullet points.

-Red lands in town and everyone gathers round-

"You've certainly come a long way, Red." Oak praised, extending his hand and stroking Charizard's neck. "From beginning Trainer to Champion. And it only took you ten months."

Who takes ten months to beat a game set in Kanto? Such a scrub. I bet that Charizard only knows Fire-type moves too.

"Oh, there's my little Champion!" Yet another voice cried out, and Red immediately recognised this one too. suddenly, a woman shot forward and enveloped him in a bone breaking hug.

"Oh, my little Red, I've missed you so much! You could have come visit me, y'know! You can fly anywhere and you don't even stop by for five minutes..."

That's the downside to region-wide free health care, I'm afraid.

-Green sulks in the background-

Green understandably wasn't happy about Red becoming Champion. That was taken from him. Even though Green was forced to accept Red as Champion, he didn't like it. Even if he respected Red for his strength a little.

Green is a tsundere confirmed. "I-I guess Red-kun is a little strong... but just a little, b-baka!"

The rest of Red's team composed of:
Pikachu, from Viridian Forest. It had been his first capture.
Bulbasaur, which had resided on the road between Mt. Moon's exit and Cerulean City.
Wartortle, which he found as a Squirtle near Vermillion City.
Snorlax, which had been causing problems by blocking a road to Vermillion City.
And Eevee, which had joined him because its previous owner treated it like a tool rather than a friend.

And in the edgy 2010's reboot of this story, Eevee is replaced by Lapras because... I dunno, Nuzlocke death or something. Also all the jokes are replaced with death and sadness and brooding. Also Red is silent because of the pain in his heart.

They all played happily with the younger town residents as Red familiarised himself with his old room. Oak and his mother were downstairs talking about something or other. Maybe his recent victory. It was nice that he was a local celebrity now, but he hoped he wouldn't constantly be stopped in the street to be praised. For all he knew, there would come a day when he would be beaten by an even better Trainer. Always someone better, as they say.

Not sure how that would take away from you being a Champion... but according to this story, everyone loved Green until he was beaten by Red. Which must have lasted for all of an hour or something? Maybe everyone in Pallet Town is super fickle.

After checking out his old PC, Red switched on the T.V. There was a news broadcast on. As far as he knew, the biggest news was him, but this about something different.

Therefore, Red had no interest. Nothing was more interesting than him, after all.

-The news reports that Cinnabar Island is under attack by extremely powerful Pokemon, and a Fearow with a camera's gonna take a look-

The T.V. went static for a second as camera broadcast's were shifted. Then a birds eye view of Cinnabar Island flashed on screen.
Red's eyes widened when he saw the display. the camera (Which would be attacked to the Fearow's neck) slowly rotated as the Fearow circled the island. He could sea a lot of buildings had been destroyed. Had the Pokemon done that?

Probably a safe bet. They're the ones attacking the island, after all.

"From what we can see, the Pokemon have rampaged through Cinnabar!" A Voice narrated in an excited voice. "There are no people outside, and it is assumed they were safely evacuated to the Cinnabar Volcano, where Resident Gym Leader Blaine, who had sent a mysterious S.O.S. message, conducts his training!"

Reporter Dude, you need to work on your exposition delivery. You can elaborate once you say 'Blaine evacuated people probably maybe".

Suddenly, the Fearow screeched in surprise, and the camera moved around frantically as the Fearow manoeuvred, apparently to dodge an attack.
"The Fearow is being attacked! This is bad, it's been spotted!" The voice shouted, now in alarm. "Come back Fearow! Return quickly!"
The Fearow tried evading an attack from the Pokemon, just a tiny Pidgey. The Fearow couldn't understand how a timid bird like that would find the courage to attack, but Fearow could sense something horribly wrong with it. It exuded an aura that didn't belong to a creature of this world.

I'll spare you a second shitty MENACING photoshop job and instead ask how we can establish it's a Pidgey when it's a super fast little bird against a flailing neck-camera. The next line makes it obvious the reporter (and anyone watching) can't see the thing. I mean, obviously the answer is just terrible writing, as well as conveying to the reader that the super strong Pokemon is a normally weak little birb.

Suspense was not a thing I was ever good at, as you can tell.

-The Pidgey Quick attacks the Fearow to probable-death-

The camera went dead when it hit the ground, and Red stared at his T.V. in disbelief. What had happened to that Fearow? Something big must have knocked it down. The Reporter was silent with shock, unable to believe their Pokemon was knocked out the sky. 

'Whatever's happening in that Island...' Red thought to himself. 'I have to check this out. Something's horribly wrong there. I just know it.'

I mean, yeah, Pokemon are running rampant to the point that the gym leader sent out some sort of distress signal. It's hardly a subtle conspiracy.

Chapter 1 ends there, and as fun as it is to reread my masterworks, I'll end it here for now. I might discuss the overall plot in a future blog post (shouldn't be too hard to remember the plot beats, nothing of interest ever really happens), but for now... enjoy hearing about the Porygon that got glitched into some digital abomination, I guess?

...Ah, what the hell, let's look at a few more bios.

Name: Red
Age: 10
Occupation: Pokemon Champion
Team: Charizard, Wartortle, Bulbasaur, Eevee, Snorlax, Pikachu
Misc: Constantly interrupted before he can talk.

Such a shame we couldn't see much of the hilarious gag of 'Red is not allowed to talk'. I'm sure you would have loved the various methods in which the universe conspires to keep him silent. On another note, can you guess my order of preference for Kanto starters?

Name: Green
Age: 10
Occupation: Former Champion
Team: Pidgeot, Arcanine, Alakazam, Rhydon, Exxegutor, Machamp
Misc: Has a habit of appearing from seemingly nowhere to challenge people.

"What's your current occupation?"
"Well I used to be a Champion."

"...But what are you right now?"

"A former champ."

Why did I ever bother with those things when they tell you even less than what the games themselves did. Oh well, I guess everyone starts off writing utter cringe. How else are you supposed to find your style if you don't get the worst of it out of your system?

Smell ya later, readers.

When the Cicadas Cry Out "Dear Sweet Jesus What"

This'll probably be hilarious to imagine nowadays, but the Higurashi anime was probably the first anime to actually unnerve me a little, by the end of it's first arc. Watching everything slowly go to shit around Keiichi was a hell of a time, I tell ya what. Then I read some manga arcs and they had some creepy pages going on, too. Hell, when I got around to the original sound novels, thinking I was too toughened up to be caught off-guard, BAM! Nude Satoko sprite out of nowhere to traumatise me.

Let's just say that Yandere-hen THE CONTINUATION by YuuyaKizami21 doesn't quite reach that same level of creepy atmosphere. Or tragedy. Or nuance.

Keiichi was held captive by Rena for long. It is time for him to escape. Sequel to Higurashi No Naku Kori Ni: Yandere-Hen. Yandere Rena x Keiichi. Bad summary, rated T for Yandere. Multiple endings.

Nice and simple, I suppose. Evidently, this is a sequel to a previous story by this author. I started with the sequel because I saw it first and I'm just hardcore like that.

Multiple endings though, huh? Can't wait to see how that turns out, I guess.

I've lost track of time. I've lost track of how long I was within that psychopath, who killed all of my friends... Only because they were just hugging me that day.

So Mion, Shion, Rika and Satoko all felt the need to hug you on the same day, huh? Wonder if this includes other pals like Oishi. Or maybe Chie.

She said that they were 'Lewding' over me, trying to take me away from her. She even raped me a few days after I got kidnapped, and she called my friends hugging me is Lewd!?

Welp, joke's on me, I'm the genius trying to poke some fun at this line here.

I would like to point out, if nothing else, it's hard to take the horror being kidnapped and taken advantage of seriously when the catalyst involved allegations of 'Lewding'. The capital L is apparently important here.

Now I am locked up in a bedroom, in Her new home that she somehow bought in Tokyo.

Somehow.

I'm not gonna bother pretending I know anything about Japan's layout, especially when you have to involve a fictional village, but surely, surely, this trip to Tokyo involved moving to another prefecture entirely. No one noticed anything unusual about this trip? A girl clinging to a terrified boy the whole way through, or luggage that emitted muffled screams of help?

My left leg was chained, which extends to the bathroom, here, and the kitchen.

So did the chain come with the apartment, or did no one question the high-school girl buying herself a manacle?

She was not home currently. I tried to remember what did she and I conversed about last time.
"Keiichi-Kun~ Reina wants to go shopping for our needs, OK?~" She asked me.

As opposed to shopping... for... the neighbour's needs...?

-So after Keiichi bravely insults her and receives a slap, he's left alone-

Now it's been hours, no... maybe more... I am completely lost track of time.
Then Suddenly I heard the front door opening and closing. I then heard whoever it was who opened the door walking up the stairs.
"Help..." I said weakly.

Given that this is supposed to be Rena and his... okay, Rena's apartment, it seems weird to obfuscate whoever entered the place like this. How mysterious.

Then I heard a gasping sound from the other side of the bedroom door. It's clearly not her.
Seconds later, the knob was turned and the door opened, revealing a long black haired girl who is probably in her high school year.

gasp omg no way help has arrived

Please don't question why this random high school girl decided to break into someone's apartment for no readily-apparent reason.

"Please... Help me-" I was trying to plead to her so she can free me, though it got interrupted as I saw another figure behind her.
I widen my eyes as the figure raises her right hand, carrying a machete.

Oh, well that can't be Rena then. We all know she uses a billhook, it's like her signature weap-

The poor girl was then sliced from head to groin by the figure I feared so much.
Rena Ryugū.

Ah. Well, uh... that's... that's a really sharp machete, then. Y'know, since it apparently cleaved through a girl's skull, and worked it's way down with no resistance whatsoever?

Is... is Rena stronger than Jason Voorhees?

"She is nobody, Rena. You don't have to-"
"Kill her? Well NO! I KNOW SHE'LL TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME, JUST LIKE THOSE 4 SLUTS WHO LEWDED YOU!"

Fits perfectly, doesn't it?

-Rena suddenly gets a headache-

She then puts her hands down, and opens her eyes, revealing the snake slits that she had when she kidnapped me.
"Aha... AAAAHHH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAA!"

I wonder if anyone ever actually notices a change like that, especially with all the hallucinations going around. Somehow I kind of doubt it's an actual, physical change... but then, I also doubt Rena would have the power to smack Jason around like a ragdoll, and look where we are.

"What's wrong!?"
"You're as hard as the others!"

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"You're just like all those parasites in Ibaraki! Being so stubborn!"

Oh okay yeah that's what I thought you meant.

"And now, you are going to be with me... BY FORCE!" She took her machete.
She raised it, and swung it on me, but I dodged and the machete hits the chain, cutting it off. I then punched her in the head with all my might. She went down instantly.

Well, uh... that escape sure was easy. So that was all it took, huh? tricking the super-powered high-school anime girl into cutting a chain with one swing of her machete, then downing her with one punch, man. At least it's a simple matter to just walk out the front door, huh?

I quickly head out of the room and close the door. Then I walked downstairs to the front door. I turned the knob and...
"Of course It's locked. Why? Why exit?" I asked sarcastically.

Oh, huh. Weird. I guess Rena had time to silently close and lock that door when she followed the schoolgirl into her own apartment. Well, that's fine, just return to her unconscious body, get the key from her pocket, an-

I then begin to search the house for the key, I checked the kitchen, bathroom and living room. The only place that I haven't checked is the basement.

???

Why would the key be anywhere else?! If it's anywhere, it'd be Rena's pocket, Keiichi! If you're gonna faff around like this, at least tie her up or something, gawd.

It's a huge basement, it had 2 rooms, however one of the rooms are filled with dried blood, and had hanged bodies. Is she planning to eat them?

...No? Why would she eat those bodies? ...Why would she be hanging bodies in the basement, anyway?

...Why does an apartment have a basement, let alone one this huge?!

And I looked at the second room. Inside looks like an interior of a church, many seats.

AND HOW THE HELL DID RENA SET ANY OF THIS UP BY HERSELF

And in the end of the room lies 2 mannequins. One wearing a wedding suit with a KEY hung on it's neck as a necklace, and the other wearing a wedding dress.

...Is... is this apartment built by Umbrella or something? Why would Rena keep the key to the front door inside her recreation of a church in the oversized basement of an apartment? How did she have time to enter the apartment, bypass the schoolgirl without being noticed, trek all the way up to the mannequins to hang the key, then return all the way back to Schoolgirl-chan, arm herself with a machete in the meantine, and then kill her in the time it took for that girl to open the door and ask why a young guy was chained to the wall?

Just saying, there might be one or two slight discrepancies going on here.

"Darling! Come back to me!" I heard her calling.
Drat.

Drat, drat and double drat. The killer yandere has woken up. If only he had some way of preventing her from given chase, but alas, that half an hour of free time he had just wasn't enough.

I quickly took the key off the mannequin and just as I turned around...
"Traitor." I saw her, tilting her head, with those snake eyes. I also saw maggots crawling out of her neck.

Author cleverly weaving in the symptoms of Hinamizawa Syndrome into Keiichi's narration to make the maggots look real, or the author deciding the maggots are actually there and crawling out of her... we'll assume she has wounds on her neck. YOU MAKE THE CALL

"Get away from me, Rena!"
"Rena? Who is Rena? My name is Reina!"
I stood still, dumbfounded.

"Seriously is this really the time for your pedantry I'm trying to escape from your murderous clutches here."

"So that Rena had finally fooled you that she is Rena? That's actually a fake name."
I quickly ran and pushed her away, unable to chit chat with her for long.

Well, to be fair, he's probably a little pressed for time. Pushing Rena - sorry, Rena... Reina? Whatever - aside was a bit rude, but hey, we've all got places to be, I suppose. They can chitchat another time.

I then ran back upstairs, and went to the kitchen briefly to take a knife as a weapon, before running to the door and unlock it. Just as I unlocked it, I heard her voice again.
"You really are hard." She grabbed my neck and pins me to the door.

It's cute that Keiichi even bothers getting himself a weapon, considering Rena's super strength, super speed and super stealth. She was pretty broken in that Daybreak game, wasn't she?

Also, Rena, please. I'm starting to think your phrasing is deliberate, here.

-Keiichi stabs her stomach, but the superhuman Rena pulls it out with no trouble at all. So Keiichi totally for realsies promises to be with her forever and ever-

I took the knife quickly, and stabbed her in the right eye.
"We could have been a perfect couple..." Was her last words, as maggots were crawling out of her eye, and she falls backwards.

...That's all? Nothing else to say? No "why though" or "holy fuck this hurts" or even "CRAAAWWWWLLLIIIINNNNG IIINNNNN MY EEEYYYYYEEEEEE"? Feels a bit bland for her last words, to be honest.

It's over. She's dead already.
-Neutral Ending~ Free at Last.

...Well, uh... sure, I guess. Good thing there's no loose ends to tie up in this timeline. Rena's dead, so that's it. No, never mind the two halves of the murdered schoolgirl at the end of the hall (I think that's where she is. This apartment's layout is more fucked than that house in Handshakers), or the bodies hanging in the giant basement. We're all done here.

...Well, there's two more 'endings' toread, and since they're so kind as to start at the bit with Kei pinned to the door, we might as well take a quick look at the Bad and True ends, I suppose.

Chapter 2: Bad end
A/N this is the bad ending.

Thanks, Yuuya.

There's no way I can forgive her, for what she had done all this time.
"I'll pass. There's no way-" I said, but then was silenced with a kiss on my lips.

Just ignore all the blood that's spurting down your throat, given you plunged a knife into this anime Terminator's gut a second ago.

I felt a bunch of slithering things going inside my mouth. After she let go of me, I saw that maggots are crawling out of her mouth.

Seriously though Rena you might want to see someone about that it's not normal to have so many maggots living in your mouth.

-Then Keiichi begins to itch everywhere and maggots crawl out of him-

My vision began to darken, and the last thing I saw is that she cries out blood, and is grinning widely.
"Now you are Reina's property, darling. You're Reina's forever..." Is the last thing I heard.
Then everything went black.
Bad end- Devoured by love.

I feel like killing him is a bit counter-productive to 'owning' him, but hey, what do I know? I lack experience with murderers, psychopaths, and girlfriends.

Time for the True End! Hopefully this is where all the super fun happy times go.

I can't escape. This is already my fate to become her's.
"OK, I promise. Forgive me." With that, she let go of me.
Then I felt an intense pain in my back, and everything went black.

...Did the door punch him? What exactly happened there?

When I woke up, I see that I am in the basement, in the church like area. I looked at myself to see that I am wearing the black wedding suit, and I already wore a ring.
Then I looked at the benches, to see skeletons instead of people sitting there.

I suppose when the groom's unconscious, the wedding reception is a lot more boring than normal, huh?

So wait are these supposed to be the bodies from before? Slight difference between corpses and skellies, y'know.

"Rise and Shine, darling. Who do you love?"
"You."
"Who do you obey?"
"You."
"And who is that?"
"Reina Ryugū"

Is it my general lack of experience talking again, or does these vows seem a tad one-sided.

She then smirked and slaps me in the face. Blood began dripping from my mouth. She then grabbed my chin and forced me to look at her.
"It's Reina Maebara~"
-True end~ Broken and married

...Uh... yay? I think? Uh... sure, okay.

So, uh, wow. That sure was something. Not sure how to feel about the 'true end' being cool with, at bare minimum, domestic abuse, with the implicit and very real threat of bloody murder via Umbrella-sponsored serial killer schoolgirl keeping these two together. I am most definitely sure that this was not a good story, however.

If I can put aside my own dislike for bleak, depressing stories, this story lacked so much detail and logic to everything from it's premise to every action and line of dialogue given, I can't understand what the point of any of this was. Besides, surely you realise that Rena's real charm are her silly noises and quirky speech patterns, speech patterns?

At least Rika can safely ignore this particular loop.