If Soul Reapers Were Servants, Would They Automatically Be Sabers?

Come to think of it, I don't think I've read much, if any shipping fics. I have nothing profound to say about that, so let's check one out.

Today's selected subjected is Between Strawberries and Jealousy, by Strike Faster Than Starlight. I actually like that username. the story... not so much. It's a crossover of Bleach and Fate/! Shipping Ichigo with Scathach. That is... that's something.

She couldn't stand the way these girls were gazing at him.How they dare to stare at him in such way? Ichigo was hers, and now was the time to show it, not only to him, but to everyone else as well. AU! One Shot! Ichigo x Scathach!

And apparently a yandere. Sure, that... seems close to her personality? I guess. Maybe if you ignore literally everything about her lore in Fate, it kind of makes sense? Well, let's get started, then.

It's been already two years since they met. She still remembered when her family had to leave Ireland and go live in Japan because of her father's job. At that time,she was frustrated at the prospect of leaving her old life,everything she knew behind.

Akshooahlee, I think you'll find that, despite her legend originating in Ireland, Scathach herself is Scottish as fuck. This ultimately means nothing for a fanfiction where Scathach is now a schoolgirl living in Japan and has nothing to do with combat... despite crossing over with a shonen battle series... but hey, I'm here to nitpick.

This frustration just got worse in her first week in Karakura high. Since she couldn't speak japanese yet, nobody would approach her for a small talk,and besides that,she had to take the lessons in english with a particular teacher,making her stay separated from everyone else.

I have to wonder what kind of job her father was working that meant the whole family had to uproot to Japan. Feels a bit random.

On her second week, she was getting out of the school alone as usua,not giving any attention to her surroundings when she bumped into someone,making her bag fall and spread all of her books on the ground.

Well it's a pretty crappy bag if a slight bump is enough to have its strap (presumably) disintegrate into reishi and rip it open, isn't it?

-''AH'', She exclaimed. Looking athe the person who caused this

Which would be Scathach herself, given she was apparently stricken with blindness to make this happen.

she saw a guy with the boy's school uniform, He had short spiky orange hair and deep brown eyes, a firm scowl set on his handsome features. He was rather tall, standing at a good 5'11.

Is that tall? I don't consider myself tall, and I refuse to believe someone as lanky as Ichigo is the same height as me.

-''Look at what you made'',She shouted while kneeling on the floor to pick her books.

Calm down, Scath. No need to scream at the guy because you walked into his back.

The orange haired guy didn't say anything, he just kneeled and started to help her. After the two stood up, he extended his hand that was holding her book and she took it. There was an awkward moment where neither of them said nothing.

Ichigo is well known for being the silent type. He just never bothers to speak, you know. It's his defining trait.

-''I'm sorry'', The teen broke the silence,''I didn't mean do it''.

You didn't do anything, man!

-''It's okay, after all I wasn't paying any attention while walking'', She mumbled,then something clicked,''Wait you're speaking english'', She said in suprise. The teen just furrowed his brow.
-''Of course I am, in which way would I be able to speak with a foreign?'', He spoke in a matter of fact tone.

...Well, for all you know, she could've come from, say, Scandinavia. Maybe Portugal. 'Foreign' doesn't just extend to 'Someone from Ireland'.

Also, since when could Ichigo could English?

-''How do you know that I'm not japanese?'', She asked.
-''Heh I don't know maybe because you don't resemble in the slightest to a japanese girl

Says the Japanese boy with bright orange, spiky hair.

-They exchange names and greetings-

-''Scathach huh? That's a pretty nice name, is it in honor to the warrior goddess from the legends of the Ulster Cycle?'',He questioned with a smile.

Why the fuck would Ichigo know anything about the Ulster Cycle? Sure, he's surprisingly book smart for a shonen protag, but I highly doubt any Japanese high school has a course dedicated to Irish mythology.

-''Yes! My parents always loved her legend , so they named me in her honor!'' She exclaimed, excited that she found someone that knew at least a bit of Irish legends

And this just adds another layer of confusion. This crossover doesn't even really have Fate/Scathach in any form. This is just a random Irish girl, named after a famous figure in Irish mythology. Well... at least it technically excuses her characterisation?

It's a good thing her parents didn't go with Medb, though. Given Ichigo's inexplicable knowledge of Ireland, I'm sure he'd be guessing she was specifically born in Ballypitmave or something.

-And so, they hang out together, and Ichigo apparently waits eight months to introduce her to the rest of his friends. What a swell guy-

Ichigo then introduced her to his closest friends Chad,Uryu,Rukia,Tatsuki,Orihime,Keigo and Mizuiro.

I'll skip over the brief summary everyone listed there gets because boy is this massive paragraph just a giant wall of filler. Instead I'll just wonder is Soul Society, Hollows, or... anything that defines Bleach is even a thing here. Rukia's around as if she's always supposed to be there, so...

They were now all precious friends to her, specially Ichigo who was the one that made her life better.

Because who wants to bother writing about how they came to be her precious friends? This is all about an inexplicable pairing that have... had their interactions mentioned in passing for an eight-month period so far! Romantic!

Their bond just grew stronger over time, and as they were always close to eachother, their friends would tease them saying things like,''Kiss already you two'' or ''When is the marriage?''

Presumably once they hit Bond level 10. Only 80.000 more points to go!

after that, Ichigo would always chase them, screaming that they were just friends. In the beginning she would join him in the complains, saying that the feelings they shared were just a strong friendship, but now she couldn't say this because, since a few months to now, her feelings for the berry headed teen have changed.

Berry-headed? Sorry, this is too ambiguous for me. There's no possible way to know what type of berry his head could resemble. Is it blueberry?

When she was next to him she would always be nervous, and just the slightest of his touchs would make her heart flutter.

This is exactly how I imagine a powerful Scottish warrior to act around a man she likes. All it's missing is the flowery border.

At first she wouldn't admit it even to herself but now she accepted it, She accepted the fact that she Scathach was in love with Kurosaki Ichigo.

Well, er... congrats on coming to terms with this massive internal struggle... I think?

Some time ago, Ichigo announced that he was going to join the soccer team and that they would have a training match in a few weeks and invited her and all of their friends to watch it.

But I thought football was Karin's thing?!

And here they are now, sitting on the bleachers waiting for the match to begin. She was really excited to see Ichigo playing but soon, excitement gave place to annoyance when, a few seats from her, a group of girls spoke:

Maybe if you stop listening to stranger's conversations, you won't find reasons to be so annoyed, Scath?

-''I can't wait to see Kurosaki-senpai playing'', One of the girls said.
-'' Me neither! He is so hot! Kyaaa I hope that we can see him without the shirt in the match'', The other one spoke.
-''Yes! I would love to see that sculpted body of his hehehe'' A petite one said pervertdly.

Okay, so girls swooning over Ichigo and wanting to see him shirtless. Not exactly a terrible crime against humanity, as far as I know. Scathach should have a reasonable reaction to that, I'm sure.

Scathach was boiling with anger,''How dare they say things like that about MY Ichigo?'', Without even noticing, her face gained a Ichigo like scowl. Rukia, who was by her side, almost jumped of her seat when she saw her friends face.

Yep, exactly as I thought! ...Hm.. an Ichigo-like scowl...

How berry-headed

-''Uhmm, Scathach are you okay?'', She asked carefully.
-'' I'm great'', The crimson eyed girl practically growled, making Rukia a little afraid.

Only a little? With that face, I'd have already broken down crying.

-''Look the game will start!'', Orihime exclaimed, making them turn their attention to the match. 20 minutes later everyone was smiling and cheering for Ichigo, who was without a doubt the best player in the field.

This crushed not only the morale of the opposing team, but Ichigo's team mates as well. After all, everyone clearly could not give a shit about them in the shadow of the god-tier footballer, Ichigo.

After the end of the first part of the match, the players had gone to take a break,the day was incredible hot so Ichigo took of his shirt making Scathach blush at the sight of his toned body.

Only Ichigo was affected by the heat, strangely enough. Everyone else managed to remain cool.

...Would school football teams even be allowed to take off their shirts?

-One of the schoolgirls that's into Ichigo approaches him with some water-

-''A-Ano, Kurosaki-senpai would you like so-''

If I look in a mirror right now, I'm I gonna have a Ichigo-style scowl on my face?

-''Are you alright?'' Ichigo asked in concern.
-''Yes! Thank you Kurosaki-senpai!",The girl said, putting her hand on Ichigo's rock hard eight pack.

Ichigo then sternly told her off for the sexual harrassment. Haha, no, of course not. Scathach can just perfectly see everything that's going on and is super possessive.

''This bitch sure wants to lose her life'',This was all she could think, How can this girl dare to touch her strawberry?

Okay, who gave the Gae Bolg wielder a (silly) reason to murder?

-''Scathach, where are you going?'' Tatsuki asked.
-''I'm just going to take care of some urgent business'',She replied with an Unohana like smile

Is Soul Society a thing or not goddamnit

Walking towards Ichigo and the girl, she tapped his shoulder,gaining his attention. Turning his head, he smiled.
-''Oh hey Scathach, whats the matt-ufff'', Not even letting him finish his sentence, Scathach grabbed Ichigo by the hair and yanked him towards her, crashing their lips roughly.

...Er... reasonable reaction...?

Ichigo's mind blacked out as Scathach invaded his mouth with her tongue, kissing him hungrily and exploring every inch of his mouth.

...Right. Not gonna make any accusations here... just ponder this: How would this scene sound if it were Ichigo forcing the kiss?

-''I hope that you understand that you're mine Ichigo'', She spoke possessively and gave a hard squeeze on his ass, making the teenager jump.

Christ this fic sure jumped from 0 to 100 quicker than Scathach's NP gauge.

Turning her attention to the wide eyed girl she gave her a smirk before starting to go in back to her friends, who were beyond stunned.
-''And Ichigo'', She called, '' Finish this match fast, I really need to eat a certain strawberry tonight''. Smiling sensually at him, Scathach resumed her walk, leaving a jaw dropped Ichigo behind.

And with that terrifying threat to Ichigo's innocence and freedom, the fic comes to an end.

...So I'm going to go ahead an assume that that ending scene played out a lot more... romantically in the author's head. I think I can see what they were going for there, but... wow did that not convey properly.

Putting that aside, it was pretty... bland. Scathach and Ichigo bear basically no resemblance to their canon counterparts, it's incredibly unclear if this is a fully mundane AU (leaning towards yes?), making such a crossover pointless if it is... well, I guess the entire point was to ship Ichigo and Scathach, but... why? If you need to drastically alter literally everything about their characters, why aren't you just using OC's?

So that was that. Fairly short, unremarkable shipfic with rushed events. Guess I'll go back to neglecting my own Scathach in Grand Order, because Best Wife Tamamo needs her levels.