Dragon Ball F Kai: My Titles Are So Witty

So hey, Super's finally getting a dub. That's neat. Still waiting for the rest of Kai to be dubbed though, but I'm sure Funi's getting right on that. Maybe. Probably. Well, putting my aversion to Japanese Goku's voice aside, I suppose I can spend my wait reading dome DBZ fanfics.

Dragon Ball F by Legend of light, is a story about Goku having a twin, which will drastically alter the story of DBZ. I guess?

What if Goku had a had a twin sister that was older than him by 9 minutes. How will this change the entire story? How will this affect Gohan, Goku, Chichi and the rest of the Z-fighters? How can this change affect the entire DBZ universe find out on Dragon Ball F. Current saga: Saiyan Saga

I'm torn between wondering why this OC is specifically nine minutes older than Goku, and wanting Kyle Hebert to narrate this summary. Which is repeated within the chapter itself for some reason.

Welp, time for some Act 1: Origins Part 1.

24 years ago.Planet Vegeta.Two newborn babies who are born with a tail are laying around on there incubators crying loudly.

Setting up early for that movie about Broly and his older-by-nine-minutes twin sister, I see.

They are fraternal twins one is a boy named Kakarot and the other is a girl named Fasha. 

So one of Bardock's buddies is now his daughter. 'Kay then.

"What is their power level?" asked a old man with a large nose in a doctors coat.
"The boys power level is 5 while the girls power level is 15."said the second man.

I'm sure you Dragonball fans just screamed in hot-blooded rage at those sentences. And I can see why. Everyone knows that Baby Goku's power level was two!

Just then then the first old man received a written order from King Vegeta in there scouters which is a device on there eye.

Boy am I glad those scouters were fully described. I had no idea what they were, what they looked like, how they function, what they're supposed to do... all of this has been properly exposited in a natural way.

"We got orders from King Vegeta to send them to a Planet called Earth it is rare that we send two babies to a planet but in this case since they are twins we have to send them together and the king knows that for some reason" said the first old man.

FOR SOME REASON

Knows what for some reason? That Bardock had twins? That twins are supposed to conquer planets together? That doing so is rare to begin with?

The first old man puts Fasha being the oldest of the twins in her pod and prepare her for transport buy putting in the coordinates and supplying enough milk for the trip. Likewise the second old man does the same for Kakarot.

...The thought occurs to me: How the hell do Saiyans survive the trip anywhere in those pods? All they can do is sit in it for however long the trip is; where's the food and water?

As the two babies are sent towards Earth, trouble awaits there father. As he prepares to fight the diabolical tyrant named Frieza, the tyrant uses his death ball to destroy the warrior and the planet behind him.

Barely seven sentences ago, it was established that Bardock was on Planet Meat. How long did it take to prepare those pods?

-Kakarot lands on Earth two months later and cries-

A old man named Gohan who was a famous martial artist he was the winmer of the 18 and 19 world martial arts tournament and lost to King Chappa in the 20th world martial arts tournament.

...Uh, right. Good to know all of that suddenly. What about it?

And he was walking through the forest when all of a sudden he hears a loud cry echo through the woods.

This caused the grumpy old man's power level to shoot right up to 10000.

"You boy! have the cry of a warrior you are going to be called Goku and I will raise you like if you were my grandchild you will receive excellent care under me."

Exactly what I would say if I saw a tailed boy crying next to an alien spaceship. ...Snarking this scene is hard to do when I don't think it was all that different from canon, really.

Now Goku in the beginning gives him a lot of trouble, despite the kindness of Gohan, but later Kakarot bumps his head down a cliff and the server head trauma causes him to forget about destroying Earth and becomes a caring loving boy.

Well, glad to have that extremely sparse recap of Goku's backstory. So far, the only difference is that Goku started off about twice as strong as he did in canon. Which is much less impressive than you'd hope it is.

-And now for Fasha's landing-

Fasha pod lands a couple of miles away from the city of Winstar in the mountain areas. The pod has crash into the mountain before hitting the slope and rolling down into the ground then hitting the cliff and slaming five hundred feet into the ground destroying the pod on its final impact.

As well as the tiny body of the defenseless, powerless Saiyan. Poor thing never stood a chance.

Fasha is badly injured in the crash.

Bullshit she's 'seriously injured'!

She has server head trauma and other injuries through her body. the pod has been destroyed. She eventually begins to cry loudly from the injuries.

Or, I dunno... drool incessantly or twitch weakly as the last of her doomed life fades from this world?

-And then a doctor and social worker happen to be hiking nearby-

When they arrive at the source of the crying they see a baby girl who was naked inside a destroyed spacepod who was bleeding from her head and other part of the body.

""Jesus Christ I can see every one of her bones poking through her skin!" the doctor cried out in horror, as her husband recited a tearful prayer for the suffering infant."

"obviously this baby is alien but we cant leave it here." Said the man after seeing her tail

Is that really the only observation that comes to you right now?

"there, there you will be alright, you are right that is why we are going to raise it as are own child. We will name her Kari lets treat her for her injuries" said the woman.

It's nice that you had the frame of mind to adopt and name the alien baby that is probably bleeding internally, but seriously you might want to speed up the 'treat her injuries' part.

-TWENTY-FOUR YEAR TIMESKIP WOO-

Kari has grown up since then and is now a twenty-four year old woman who has fought in numerous tournaments. She is a master in numerous of styles of martial arts including Aikido, Karate, Wing Chun, and others.

Figures she'd monopolise the cool-sounding fighting styles. I suppose Turtle Style and Crane Style weren't Ip Man enough for her.

Even though she loves to fight she has other hobbies as well, like every girl she likes to shop, and she loves gymnastics, she is also a woman of many secrets for example she had a tail that she keeps hidden.

Good job managing to do that for twenty-four whole years, I suppose?

Kari walks in the kitchen after the thirteen straight night with the same dream it is late at night and she has only slept an hour each night since she has started to have the dream about the man.

Yeah, those dreams are annoying. Look, I get it, there's someone I used to know, and for no reason I'm suddenly dreaming about them, but can I please get a full night's rest? ...Why is it preventing her from sleeping, exactly? It doesn't sound like a nightmare.

Kari grabbed a wineglass from the cupboard and then poured a glass of Red Wine. Kari knows she only drinks wine when she is upset.

I would hope Kari knows her own mannerisms. It would kind of make sense that she does, really.

'Maybe I should call Asuna or Jeriko?' Kari pondered.

Is it just me, or do names like Kari, Asuna and Jeriko just not fit within Dragonball's setting? Maybe I'm just too used to characters being named after underwear, vegetables or the fairy godmother's chant?

Asuna is her best friend, they were friends since they were little, they practice Wing Chan on a daily basis while its safe to say Kari is far better than anyone she faced and is much better than her at this point.

Well of course she is. Can't be Goku's older twin brother without being an instant combat expert.

-Kari goes to bed after pointing out she is better at Karate than Jeriko the Karate instructor-

As she sits on her bed she looks at a picture of her at 7 years old that she hasn't even shown Timothy.

Timothy, as the next sentence explains, is her fiancee (also she is better ai Aikido than Timothy). I have to wonder how he's missed this picture, given no special effort seems to have went into hiding it. Nor do I even know why it should be hidden.

'What would he say if he knew I had a tail I know he'd probably go crazy? What am I saying this is Timothy I'm talking about the man I still love but I'm on a mission to find who am I and where I come from.' Kari thought

Not really sure how those two thoughts connect but sure. Also, seriously, how can you manage to keep your tail hidden for this long from everyone?! there's no way in hell it never accidentally slipped out of your gi during a sparring match or something.

-And then it's the next day-

"Ok, I'll leave my month rent on the table as I'm going to West City" Kari said as she takes the mortgage payments for the next few months and put it into a envelope. "Maybe they might know who this person I keep dreaming about."

...Well this is kind of abrupt.

Kari took only a spare of clothes with her and a few drinks and a lot of canned goods and a box of plastic Forks, knives and spoons as well as some DynoCaps with her.

Is this a journey to learn your roots, or an overnight camping trip in the field behind your house?

She then walks outside and sees her friend Asuna. She places the envelope with the mortgage payment in her mail box and lifts the red tab. She then walks towards her friend.
"Asuna what are you doing here?" Kari asked.

"I inexplicably knew you were leaving so I sat out here all night to stop you."

"I know you know me since I was 8 but I'm going show you something I've never shown anyone" Kari said.
"And what is that?" Asuna asked
"This" Kari said as she went into the back of her pants and pulls her tail out.

...'went into the back of her pants'? I'm sure there's a less awkward way to write things. And why couldn't she just... raise the tail out? Unless its' mobility was permanently crippled by that crash-landing, I'm sure it's well within your capabilities.

"Kari what is that?" Asuna asked a little freaked out as she pointed at the tail in shock.
"My tail and before you ask I have no idea where I got it I guess I was born with it" Kari explained.

I feel like I see these pre-emptive statements in these fics a lot. "BEFORE YOU ASK ME WHY/WHEN/HOW I DUNNO SO SHUT UP"

"Take my car and I'm coming with you." Replies Asuna
"Fine" Kari said as she put her stuff in the car.

...So... you were planning on skipping town without telling your friends, but you have no qualms with them joining you? Why exactly are you being so secretive about it? you're not even telling your boyfriend.

-We're on the road to West City-

"Kari whenever we go to a restaurant you always get a appetizer and a meal and it it yourself, why?" Asuna asked.

...Because that's what you generally do at a restaurant?

"Let just say I eat more than ten to fifteen servings per meal." Kari said.
"How when you look so skinny?" Asuna asked.
"Tell me when we get there and I don't know I think it has something to do with my tail." Kari said as she lay down and took a nap.

Look, Kari, if you don't want to talk about your eating habits, that's fine. But you don't need to be rude about dodging the question.

"Ok Kari." Asuna said as she pulled out a wireless headset and places it on her cell phone.

Er, no, the headset goes on your head, Asuna.

"Jeriko, Honey, are you there?"
"Yea Asuna, so did Kari get surprised?" Jason asked.

I'm guessing the whole circle of friends somehow knew she was leaving, then? Why the hell was she trying to keep it a secret if it's so easy to know what she's doing?

"Jeriko can you look up Capsule Corp and see if they know anyone that may have a tail, don't ask?" Asuna said.

Nah, I'm gonna ask. Why are you randomly searching up Capsule Corp for that kind of info?

"Asuna I tried to find something but the site is so complex that when I try to find anything remotely similar to someone with a tail it starts up a red alert and forces my computer to shut the tab off." Jeriko said.

Sounds more like a virus to me. Or Capsule Corp seriously decided to tamper with google results for anyone that looks up Goku. For some reason.

...Why would Capsule Corp cover up Goku's existence, exactly? Even after several martial arts tournaments and heroic deeds, he's hardly some well-known, legendary warrior to the masses.

"That was just the bad news and you are right I did find some good news, Someone named Son Goku Fought in the WMAT and he had a tail and more importantly Capsule Corps may know something about it."

And so, CC's censorship was rendered completely pointless two sentences later. More proof that it never works, I suppose?

-Meanwhile, in space-

Passing the Dwarf Planet Pluto were two Space pods there mission is a mystery but there ambitions are no good. And they are heading straight towards earth.

So either Nappa and Vegeta are already on their way, or Raditz is joined by yet another OC for some reason. I wonder what it could be?!

In one space pod was a male body with a lot of hair wearing some type of armor. In the other space pod was another male this one had a short hair cut and blue both had strange devices on there right eye.

Well that's a super interesting way to end a chapter, I guess. "Here's two guys with fancy space monocles. I guess they're baddies."

What's the deal with these two males heading towards Earth? Are they friends? Are they new Enemies? Will Kari find the answers she is looking for? Will like the answers if she gets them? Find out next Dragon Ball F

The story already spoiled the fact that those two guys are up to no good,  Kyle Hebert. Nice read, though!

Well, that... happened. I'm not really sure what to say about it. The story's a bit bland, really, and feels nothing like Dragonball; no ridiculous, over-the-top fighting like Z, or even whacky silliness from the early DB era. Not to mention that the concept isn't exactly riveting, especially when you just give her brain damage as well. On top of surviving a spectacular crash that would've probably killed Vegeta.

So, that's that, I suppose. Guess I'll go buy Xenoverse 2 in the distant future and play as Goku's evil alter-ego turned good via a bump on the noggin'.

Pokemon: Grimdigo Plataeu

Gotta love Pokemon and its' worldwide appeal. The way that the series can be so light-hearted, but still have serious elements without going full Edge is pretty nice. You know what could improve that, though? A bit of full-blown edginess.

When nothing is going good for Ash anymore, he throws his soul away, leaves all of his pokemon at oaks lab, and becomes the most feared entity in the world, now half monster, He has learned to control aura perfectly. Chap. 11 finally up.

There we go.

This story is Darkness in his heart, Tri edge ash, by Azure Ash. As you can probably surmise, it's about Ash being evil. And also mastering that aura ability he's displayed in... one movie and, I dunno, two episodes max? Why do the writers never remember the one time he went Super Saiyan, as well...? Aside from it being incredibly stupid, of course.

So yeah, edgy Ash. Let's do this.

Prologue
A Pokémon trainer from pallet town had become loved by many, especially those who he had traveled with. He had ebony hair and serious auburn eyes that blazed with confidence and determination. He was always upbeat and carefree, but 2 years ago, when tragedy struck, he descended into chaos and darkness

I can immediately call bullshit, because this fic implies there's an actual passage of time in the anime! ...Granted, I'm sure the anime's mentioned time passing as well, but it's totally lies because goddamnit Ash you're like 30 now.

He disappeared from the circuit for 2 years and formed a team of three who had perfect control over a power known as aura.

Good thing he happened to run into two people with the same ability and were partial to villainy.

No one, even his friends were aware that the boy they cared for so much was now an entity of pure evil.

Show's how much they pay attention!

He carried two short swords that had 3 blades on each one.

Well that's just inexplicable and massively silly. How do those swords have three blades each? Are there just, like, two branches on the blade? Are there three blades wedged into the hilt?

From the moment he appeared, he was given a new name, the name of the entity strikes fear into the hearts of many, his name….. Tri-edge!

Maximum scary. Wow. So terrifying.

So that was a thrilling prologue, huh? Guess we'll move on to the main story now.

It looked like the perfect day in Celadon city when all of a sudden what sounded like a piano note echoed throughout the city, 3 seconds later, 3 spheres of aura appeared in the city's square.

So I take it the number three will be a wee bit important. Dunno why, it's just an odd feeling I get.

Erika ran out the gym to see the three spheres burst into blue flames and from the flames emerged three cloaked figures.

So this is very Pokemon to me right now. I can only assume this is very Pokemon to everyone else, as well.

The figure on the right was wearing a dark blue cloak with ice blue eyes. The one on the left had a red cloak with crimson eyes, and the one in the middle had a jet black cloak and his eyes were a piercing auburn color.

So blue, red, black. Good to know.

"I hate when they look at us like that," the blue eyed one said.
You should be use to it you whore, the crimson eyed man said.

Well that sure came out of nowhere. Guess this is a subtle hint that Red is a bit of a dick.

"Who are you three?" Erika asked the 3 figures.
"I'm Sai," the crimson eyed man said after chuckling,
"and I'm Helen," the blue eyed girl said, and this is our leader

Speak up Helen, I don't think you actually said anything after you introduced yourself.

Before she could say anything else the black cloaked figure pulled out two short swords and moved them in front of him surprising Erika, but her expression and everyone else's changed to absolute horror when the blades unfolded to reveal 3 blades on each sword.

The sheer impractically and try-hard edginess of the swords brought despair to everyone in Celadon, I see.

"TRI-EDGE!" everyone in the city screamed as he put the blades to his sides.

Literally everyone.

"What do u…?" before Erika could ask the question, Tri-edge brought one of his swords up and it shined in a blue aura, Erika gasped as he swung the sword. Seconds later, the city was in gulfed in a blue light and then… BAAAAAAMMMMMMM.

TIL that aura in Pokemon is a better nuke than 99% of all Pokemon. Come to think of it, are we even going to be seeing Pokemon in this story?

A huge explosion shock the entire surrounding area as Celadon was engulfed in blue flames.
"Wasn't that a lil much?" Sai asked.
"I dont think any one was killed," said Helen

> Destroy entire city with magical nuke powers

> Death count 0

Your leader really sucks at the tryhard edge thing.

"Yeah, just total destuction," Sai said as he examined the once beautiful city. He was interrupted from his tour by the sounds of sirens headed there way.
"alright some fun for us!" Helen said as she saw multiple police cars outside the city.

Seriously, the city was nuked so hard that there's literally nothing left to block her line of sight to outside the city! Which I can only assume is a rather sizeable location.

"No," the black cloaked figure said as he put his swords away.
"But why?" Helen said upset.
He didnt answer

He's kind of terrible at the tryhard mysterious loner thing, too.

Helen then saw that his eyes were a shade of blue for a second before turning back to there normal color.
"what happened to your eyes?" she asked
"Lets go", the leader said ignoring her

Leader is also rather rude. Just because you're blowing up a city and running from the police (why even bother fleeing you're a goddamn nuke) doesn't mean you can just ignore someone when they're talking to you.

awwwwww, said Helen as they were enulfed in blue spheres of arua which suddenly disappeared.
In the center of the city, before they disappeared, they left the infamous mark of Tri-edge there.

...That mark being...?

...Guess we'll never know, since that's the end of the chapter. Aside from some notes at the bottom.

Im pretty sure you've already figured out who the trainer in the black cloak is, but damn, using the power of aura to destroy all of Celadon city with one slash was only the tip of the iceberg.

I think I have an idea of who it might be. The subtle clues left in the title and description, and even your user name, have given me a suspect or two.

If your expecting to see his pokemon, don't worry, they'll show up as the story progress.

Why would he even bother with Pokemon? Again, he nuked an entire goddamn city by himself.

BTW, just to let you know, the leader, Helen, and Sai have the legendary trio from one of the riegions, however the leader won't use any pokemon in this story. 

...You just said one sentence ago that we'd see his Pokemon as the story progressed.

Well, that was... a thing. I don't get Pokemon stories that a) try to grimderp things, and b) omit Pokemon from the Pokemon setting. I guess I'll take their word that they eventually show up, but that's kind of a delayed appearance for something the show is named after.

Also, seriously? "Tri-edge"? Two triple-bladed swords that everyone is terrified of? No one in Celadon dying in the massive explosion and ensuing fireshow? I can't decide if this was a trollfic or what, but wow.

Bleach - (漂白) - It Means Bleach, Probably.

Okay, I think I finally beat my procrastination, my 4 mobile games are refilling energy, and my consoles have been banished from my grasp for the time being... guess it's time to make myself feel better by reading more fanfiction!

Today's subject is Saviour of the World, by Mistress Galiancrystal, a Bleach self-insert story. I could summarise more, but I'm sure the description is more than enough to excite you:

15 year old Spanish American, Victoria Espinosa, finds herself in the world of Bleach. Summoned by the Reiō, she goes under the name Minato Reishinzō and helps others and saves lives. While her wit and knowledge be enough? Authoress Insert(originally The Zanpakutō Summoner) OCx?

I dunno about you, but I sure am excited to read a story that hints towards the usage of gratuitous Japanese in place of actual English equivalents!

Well, no time to waste, let's get to the prologue.

"I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams."~Aunt May, Spider-Man 2

Good to know we're starting off deep. None of that poser Ghandi shit here, folks!

I wiped my eyes of tears at ten o'clock in the early morning of August.

Ah, yes, the single morning of August, what a day that was. Where were you on August's solitary morning of the month?

Why was I crying you ask? I finished the final chapter of Bleach, crying as the ending was rather a surprise.

I mean, sure, it wasn't the best ending in the world, but it wasn't quite "Sasuke is forgiven and starts a family" bad, you know?

There was only a few disappointments I have- the biggest being Jugram dead. I'm sorry, but I have a crush on the Quincy(as well as Tsukishima) so of course I'd complain about his death besides the fact that he has hIS BEST FRIEND'S INITIALS ON HIS SWORD.

Yeah, poor Jugram. Really sucked that he died. What a shame. Who the hell was he, again?

-Research ensues-

Ah, right, Haschwalth. Yeah, he sure left an impact... and what does that last sentence even mean? You're exempting that thing about his friends' initials from his death?

My name is Victoria Espinosa. I live in the United States of America and I hate Trump.

Well I guess I can't nitpick any flaws with this character now. her personality's been set to 'flawless'.

 I stand 5'7", born with brown hair in which I dyed it bright sky blue underneath along with brown eyes.

What kind of sorcerer is capable of dying the underside of one's hair only? That's card game-protagonist levels of silly.

I took out my notebook- a small 3 inch by 5 inch blue notebook with the Substitute Shinigami logo in white on it as I wrote in it in a semi-cursive, "Make IshiHime canon"

So is this your bucket list? Wishlist? Ransom demands to the police while Kubo's held captive in your basement?

I had to make IshiHime canon because to be honest, it's better than IchiHime.

One could argue that Ichigo and Orihime have zero chemistry with each other, but really, her one-sided crush makes that pairing way more plausible than... uh... that time she interacted with Uryuu in Soul Society?

The first one on the list was, "Get sucked into Bleach".

Unfortunately for Victoria, she had written in a Monkey's Notebook, so when she was inevitably pulled into the world of her favourite manga, it was a completely different country, with no ties to anything vaguely resembling Bleach's plot, no way to get to Karakura Town, no powers to speak of...

Second being, "Check if I'm one of my OCs(preferably a Visored-Quincy)"

Not even Ichigo was both of those things at once. And Ichigo was every goddamn thing in the series. Except whatever Komamura was. ...As far as we know.

Another is "Get to Kisuke's place" and a lot more. I laughed at the list, knowing that they won't come true. Okay now I'm sad about that.

And then literally the next sentence- well, after this confusing scene transition.

~Timeskip by My Chemical Romance's songs(Your memory will carry on)~

I'm still struggling to parse that sentence. I'd assume it's a song by My Chemical Romance... but apparently it's a song by the bands'... er... songs? Well, anyway.

"Ow…" I groaned as I stood up, dusting myself off with one hand while rubbing my eyes with the other. "Where the hell am I?" I muttered to myself as I looked down at myself to make sure I was okay.

I would point out that we've skipped how she managed to end up in Bleach, but let's be honest, I'd call bullshit on literally any method. Let's just suspend disbelief or something.

My clothes, which were formerly pjs, have changed. My dad's old bright sky blue DC shirt was replaced with a form fitting sky blue shirt with a white Kingdom Hearts heart and crown top along with two entirely different jackets that went together.

...Oh boy.
1. Overuse of sky-blue to the point it rivals Kubo's use of black and white - minus the ~SYMBOLISM~
2. At least choose a franchise that existed before Bleach even started. Hell, would the game have been out by the time the series got to the Fullbringer arc?

3. "Two entirely different jackets that went together".

The first jacket is black with two thin white stripes going down the sleeves and the bottom ended mid-thigh. The second jacket is a jean vest with pockets on the inside and when I took it off, it showed a logo.

Those go about as well together as socks and sandals. And of course there's a logo. Everything has a logo. Right, what's the logo, then?

 The logo was a white diamond shape like the Gotei 13 seal but with Squall's Lion Heart symbol in replacement of the Squad/Division logo- once again, in white.

...Lemme just see if I'm imagining that correctly.

I assumed the background was sky-blue so you could actually see the damn thing.

I didn't know what my hair looked like… until I walked around the city trying to find the candy shop of the Bōshi-geta and came across a window.

Should you really be concerned with what hair style you've ended up with? You've kind of woken up in a strange place where, for all you know, you've just been kidnapped and dumped somewhere.

My hair was still the same brown color, but without my dye as if someone used dye remover with my hair in the style of Mugetsu's but the long hair was cut to a little below my shoulder blades.

So... "long, wild hair falling below my shoulder blades" was too tricky to type? It had to be "Mugetsu, but smaller"?

It looked like someone performed eye surgery on me and traded my eyes with Grimmjow's which was pretty cool.

That is exactly my reaction to finding out my eyeballs have been swapped with another's. "Oh, neat."

Except I have normal pupils and this made me happy.

So in other words, they are not Grimmjow's eyes. If anything, you now have yellow irises.

"I look great." I told myself and ran a hand through my hair starting with my bangs. A snicker left my mouth as I fixed my hair because I managed to do Aizen's hairdo and it looks horrible on me.

How the hell do you manage to make this...

...From this?

A princesasuke picture, for credit's sake.

Not even Illusion McTrollface could pull that one off.

"Wait… maybe I should check to see if I'm spiritually aware." I thought. "Well… only way to find o- Nevermind." My eyes looked up and saw the huge, spider like Hollow.

I mean, at least you've already answered your question?

-And then she was saved by Urahara-

"... Bōshi-geta." I muttered as he raised an eyebrow. "Do you call people you meet with a bucket hat and clogs that?" He asked before telling me,

-that gratuitously using Japanese terms is very stupid when you're writing the story in English? And that the English term was just used in the exact same sentence?

 "You can see spirits, don't you?"
"Uh… I'm not even sure if that was a spirit. More like a demon."

Good to know that the Bleach fangirl has no idea what a Hollow is, but can remember Haschwalth's first name.

-And so we timeskip to Urahara dumping some exposition on what Hollows are-

"Death Gods… interesting." I murmured and took a calm sip of my tea. "But you already knew that, didn't you?" Those words caused me to choke in mid-drink and to cleared my throat. "W-what was that, Mister Urahara? I didn't quite heard what you said clearly." I let out a small nervous laugh as Kisuke's face showed seriousness.

I love how she uses the terms 'shinigami' and 'death god', when the series already had a translated ter. Hell, I'm surprised she even went with 'death god'. It doesn't sound Japanese enough.

Also, why is she even hiding that she knows about Hollows? It's not exactly going to change anything.

He then pulled out an envelope of sorts, labeled with a seal having on the inside of said seal was a kanji on it that I recognized from looking up random kanjis and their meanings.

What luck you happened to look up that one particular Kanji one day while you were bored, and then never forgot what it meant.

 "The… Reiō?" I raised an eyebrow as I took the envelope and looked at it. "Did he know I was coming here?" I thought before opening it and reading the letter. My eyes widened when the kanjis started to arranged themselves into English words.

Therefore making the effort to write in Japanese completely pointless. Good job, Soul King.

Also, why is the Soul King kidnapping random girls, hope they end up in Urahara's shop before the get eaten, and posting letters there? This feels needlessly roundabout.

(Soundtrack: Kingdom Hearts II Soundtrack - Passion - KINGDOM Orchestra Instrumental Version; Start: 0:55 mark)

...Um... behold, the theme that plays when Victoria reads a letter?

"Greetings,As you have already known, I am the Reiō, the creator and balancer of the universe.

"And much like yourself, I speak in English, except when I randomly slip Japanese words into my speech. Like a true Nihon-taichi."

 I chose you out of all the others because you think differently than most. You see both sides of the field, the good and evils sides, along with the line in between, the neutral side.

So... does she just handwave every terrible crime a character does if they're hot enough or something? What does that even mean?

Once you came into this world, I granted you powers you will be needing.

Because I'm sure there was no one else that was effectively neutral to whatever's going on. And would also have combat experience.

So yes, in other words, you're part Shinigami, Hollow, and Quincy.

"But not part-Fullbringer. Don't want you getting too sue-ish."

This should be helpful, no? I have given out similar letters to a few others about you and they will help you understand your powers and train you to tame said powers.

I mean, she's effectively ripping off Ichigo by now, and assuming this is post-manga (...where the Soul King is dead?), Ichigo is all of those things and pretty much the strongest guy ever, now. This feels a little unnecessary.

Please, do not be reckless on your journey.With prayers,霊王P.S.- You are able to respond back by writing on the back of these."

So the letter that magically translates itself into English just so happen to lack the words 'soul' and 'king'. Well, I guess those words can be added in the next patch.

I was left speechless after reading the letter. The Reiō, THE Reiō, chose a kid who is lazy and has anxiety, to save the word? 

Anxiety that has not manifested in any way despite the situation, by the way. 

-And so she decides to write back to the Soul King-

Ichi- Why choose me out of others who have more potential and strength than I do? I may think the ways similar of Sōsuke Aizen and a few others I could list off of from this universe, but I lack a lot of things other potential "saviors" could have.

1. IT'S NUMBER ONE. 1. O-N-E. AS IN THE THEME SONG AIZEN KILLED ONCE

2. "Think the ways similar of Sosuke Aizen"? Wha?

Ni- These "few others" you speak of, how many are there? I believe from what you have said in your letter, there's at least one for each species? Besides human of course.

The Soul King really needs to learn clarity. All this ambiguity makes things so awkward.

San- What events do I exactly have to prevent? Is there unjust deaths that need to be fixed?

Neglecting to inform the main character of what the plot even is is rather silly, too.

From,エスピノサ・ビクトリア

Oh for fuck's sake.

Once I was finished writing, the letter glowed before vanishing into sparkles and I raised an eyebrow. "Well then…" I mumbled and looked at Kisuke who seems to have a bit of confusion as well.

"If these things can just teleport to and from recipient and sender, that both makes its delivery to my shop unnecessary, and completely obsoletes the death butterflies. Goddamnit Soul King."

(Soundtrack: Kingdom Hearts II Soundtrack - Passion - KINGDOM Orchestra Instrumental Version; 1:55 mark)

I love it when books tell me what song to listen to. Oh well, can't really complain if it's a good song, huh?

So from here, Kisuke establishes he will train our endearing protagonist, and we switch between several 'nobody's' points of view. Or Senseis. Or... teachers. starting at number ni 2 because Urahara gets to be the first.

So, Sensei 2!

A pale-skinned male examined a letter that was put in his papers, the pale moonlight shining down on him as he looked up at the moon.
"Train this "chosen one" of not just Quincy blood, but of Shinigami as well… I will see about training you as my choice, not his."

"Even though I would have known literally nothing about this person and would not care otherwise, it is totally all me that is making the choice to train this stranger for no reason."

Sensei 3!

"A savior?"
A cold voice spoke as grey eyes examined the paper before him, closing his eyes as he let out a sigh.
"Very well then, I shall see that they will be properly trained."

Not much to say there, really. So... on to 4.

"The hell you mean another Visored!?"
"Yep. It's a girl too."
"You would point that out."
"What? I can't help but think how much of a cutie she'l- OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?"
"For you being a dumbass! Dumbass!"

Well at least it's beyond obvious who these two are.

Boy, that sure added a lot. Vague hints to who her future teachers will be, only one of whom is actually identifiable because they weren't given the least descriptive sentence in the universe for which we can guess their identities.

-And back to Victoria-

"So… what will your new name be?" Kisuke asked as he guided his new student to her room.

Why would she need a new name?

"My name…? "Victoria thought about it, a new name meant she could disguise herself, become one with the environment and blend in with the crowd.

Yes, the girl that literally no one else has met can hide her identity by adopting a new name, which will help with her blend in with the scenery. You know, alongside her half-Mugetsu hair and bright yellow eyes.

"My name… is…" Confidence swelled inside of her as she smirked with a glint of slight cockiness in her blue orbs.
"My name is Minato Reishinzō(霊心臓 港)- chosen savior of the Reiō!"

""...Why did you call yourself 'Harbour soulspirit' twice in a row?" Urahara asked with exapseration."

So, on top of her distinctly non-Japanese appearance, she also has a blatantly not-real surname that will get commented on far more than 'Espinosa'. You are awesome at blending in, Harbour.

And finally, the chapter ends with some fun facts... with the numbers written in Japanese because there was no other possible way to write them:

Ichi: Minato is a unisex name.Ni: Reishinzō means "spirit heart".

I love that we get the meaning for her made-up surname, but Minato is just 'Unisex name'.

San: The kanjis of this chapter are- 1. Reiō, 2. Espinosa Victoria, and then 3. Reishinzō Minato.

And it was necessary to write themin Kanji because... uh... set in Japan? Yet written in English?

Shi: Minato is Victoria's favorite Hokage from Naruto(besides Tobirama).

Why is one of her favourite characters a horrible father that doomed his infant child to a life of misery under the assumption nothing bad could ever possibly happen by sealing a fucking demon inside of him?

Go: "Ichi" means "one", "Ni" means "two", "San" means "three", "Shi" means "four" and "Go" means "five".

Because I'm sure common sense would not have told us otherwise. I have a fact of my own, by the way: The English language has numbers, too. They can also be written as '1, 2, 3, 4, 5". Weird, huh?

----------------

Phew, that sure was a thing. This story contains a lot of the usual tropes a self-insert fanfiction uses: The MC somehow gaining an appearance that's an amalgamation of their favourite characters (and sometimes their powers, too), informed character flaws, inexplicable importance despite the canon possessing dozens of far more viable candidates for... whatever actually needs doing, and worst of all... the goddamn gratuitous Japanese.

I get it, Bleach is set in Japan. But unless you're writing the whole thing in Japanese, there's zero reason to just randomly throw in random Japanese words just because. If there's literally no way to translate a word or phrase without killing the meaning or ending up with a paragraph for a translation, then fine, go ahead. But seriously, Japanese numbering? Refusing to acknowledge the English alternatives for everything?

...Well, that's that rant over. Time to go back to being lazy for a few months.