Saturday, 29 July 2017

Sonic the Hedgehog: Second Fastest Thing Alive

So I hear the Sonic fandom produces some interesting content. Let's see what fishing in the shallow waters gives me.

Knight the Hedgehog: Awakened by FanFictionKid 999 is our lucky subject for today! Let's see...

Knight the Hedgehog. A Hedgehog with no memory is released by Sonic the Hedgehog and Miles "Tails" Prower on May 7th, 2017 a year before Eggman takes over 99.9% of the Earth. And when he is released the reason Eggman trapped him there is too. A darkness is roaming free and anybody with even a little hatred can be affected. The Story leading into Sonic Forces begins here.

I have to wonder what that .1% of the world is that Eggman couldn't conquer. Is there a three-mile long island made of magnets or something?

I'm also glad we're using a unique animal for the OC. Can you imagine if they chose something that at least four other characters are already based on? That would be rather repetitive, wouldn't it.

So then, we got ourselves Hedgehog #826, somehow captured by everyone's favourite Humpty Dumpty cosplayer. Let's see how this goes!

"Hello! Can anybody hear me! I am trapped down here! SOMEBODY!" I shouted to no one as I sat at the bottom of a whole thinking…

Good thing we've established that Knight was not so much 'captured' as 'fell into a hole'. It's rare for the summary to be contradicted one sentence in!

"Man, Never thought Eggman would leave a base like this so empty right Tails?" I heard a person say his voice sounding so familiar…
"I know right. This place has some early sketches for Metal Sonic… And oh look at this Sonic! It looks like some prototype Metal Sonic armor…" I heard.

Since Eggman apparently didn't have a single robot guarding the place, the next best method to show this is, indeed, the doctor's base is to have some of his old concept art lying around. Seems like a thing he'd do, I guess?

-Knight calls out for help-

"Um… Who are you?" Sonic asked me and I sensed a friendly aura from him just by the way he looked and talked. "Can you um assist me in getting out of this cage?" I asked him pointing at the key on the lock

So Knight is in a cage, and not a hole? Or a whole? And the key is already inside the lock? Er... is this cage the standard 'metal bars only' thing? Surely you could have freed yourself long ago if that's true.

"Um sure." Sonic said staring at me the whole time. He then unlocked the key and I walked out and gave him a huge hug.

That's adorable and all, but how does one unlock a key? I'd always thought it was the key that did the unlocking...

"It has been years! Well for me if I think I just turned 16 January 23. I said smiling at Sonic. 

Years?! How can you even tell what day it is if you've been locked up for years in a deserted base?!

"Okay… So how did you get here?" Sonic asked me a concerned look on his face. "I was running through this um… Green Hill Zone place where I ran into a portal and it transported me here."

Wow. So not only were you not stuck in a random whole, but you weren't even captured. You just tripped on a random warp panel and happened to land inside a goddamn cage. I feel so misled right now.

I looked at Sonic with a smirk on my face. "Race me Sonic." I asked him out of the blue. "Are you sure you have been locked up in there for three years?" Sonic asked me out of concern.

""I like a good race and all, it just doesn't seem fair to race against an opponent who hasn't eaten or drank in so long that you should have died after less than a week of captivity," said the blue hedgehog with super speed powers."

"Yes please." we then indicated a race field around the whole world to this point and we got in a racing position.


I ran in front of Sonic my speed topping his only for him to burst from behind me passing me but I followed closely behind him keeping up when we saw a gigantic loop and I dashed forward using some new speed I gained somehow passing Sonic.

No idea why this is bolded in the story but there ya are.

Also, of course he can keep up with Sonic running at his fastest. The malnourished OC who sounds like he should be wielding a buster sword can easily match pace with the character whose gimmick is in his name,

-They then proceed to run so fast that time slows down, because I guess they both can tap into the Speed Force or whatever-

Sonic I feel like if I run any faster something bad is going to happen." I said to the blue hedgehog who then looked at me dead in the face.

I am enjoying the mental image of Sonic giving this vacant stare to Knight as they both run faster than light can travel.

-The race is finished instantly once Sonic teaches him to breathe or something. Good thing there's no whiplash involved going from a billion mph to 0-

'How did I end up here' I thought and Tails looked at me shock covering his face. "You just broke the Multiversal Barrier. Something only Hyper Sonic can do… Knight… You… Are…"

""A textbook definition of a Mary Sue..." the dual-tailed fox whispered in horror."

Confession time! I am but a mere casual fan of the series who has only ever beaten Shadow the Hedgehog and Sonic Rush. The hell is this multiversal barrier? Is this what's introduced in the official Sonic OC Generator game coming out?

"I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!" Shadow the Hedgehog shouted at Tails and Sonic as their friends looked at me surprised.

Uh wait what hold up where did Shadow come from?

"So you are Knight the Hedgehog. Nice to meet you since I am the last one here I guess you haven't heard about me. I am Amy Rose… Sonic's one and only…"

Uh wait what hold up now Amy's talking? This is literally the next sentence after Shadow's intro. Where the hell are they all coming from? Are they still in Eggman's abandoned base? Where did they say the finish line was?

"Okay see Sonic said you would try something like this so I know you are not his Girlfriend.


I then walked towards the Shadow and offered a hand out to him but then he stared at me with a glare. "Um Hi I am Knight the Hed-" I started but then he grabbed me by my hair and ran off with me with Sonic following closely behind us and the he threw me to the ground in some forest.

...Well. That was rude. Is it just me, or is Shadow acting more like a spurned lover than Amy is?

"I don't know much about you. Where you are from how those idiots found you but I am here to make sure you really are the quote on quote "Fastest Hedgehog Alive"

Not quite how you say 'quote unquote' Shadow, but good try. Also, that is an... incredibly niche title, no? Between the four hedgehogs that exist (so far), only two could make such a claim. Now, if it were 'fastest thing alive', then I could see some more competition brewing, but...

He then threw a punch at me but then like with Sonic time slowed and I dodged the punch and struck Shadow in the face with a hard swing knocking him back and then he kicked me across the face sending me into the mud.

Guess I can't call him a Mary Sue any more. He took a hit and fell into the mud. I was too hasty in my accusations.

-They scuffle for a bit. with Shadow using Chaos Spheres because escalation-

"My memory is slowly coming back to me now… Yeah… I was an experienced knight by the the KING! Yes… KING LANCELOT!"

he started giving Shadow a beatdown faster each punch until the Hedgehog gave a whimper once he brought his fist in for another punch. "Scared? Likewise. Not many people have lasted fights with me. Most have died.

Oh man such an uber badass however could anyone compare with this compelling, lovable and not-at-all boring protagonist.

-We switch to Shadow's POV as he's left behind by Knight. And I guess Sonic-

I lost… To a Hedgehog who is inferior… Speed and Strength how do you match that…

Shadow proceeds to contradict himself in a single sentence. Good job, man.

Sonic is speed and I am Strength how do beat a person who bested us in both of those things… he must be Selkadoom's reincarnation… Yet… I feel like… He isn't…

First: Since when did Sonic and Shadow represent speed and strength respectively? They're both exactly as fast as each other, last I checked, and the only thing 'stronger' about Shadow is his chaos control ability, right?

Second: The hell is a Seikadoom?

Shadow didn't notice a dark energy flowing from the ground toward him and as soon as he felt it's presence it lashed at him entering his mouth strangling him before fully going down his throat engulfing him in the darkness causing his eyes to go completely red and the red on his black spines turning a dark purple and he screamed "KNIGHT THE HEDGEHOG!" Into the air before with a smile dashed forward ready to kill the Hedgehog himself.

Lovely. Let me guess, no one heard this bestial roar, and despite immediately giving chase to the hedgehogs - who were not stated to be running or anything - he will fail to catch up to them for some reason.

-Another POV switch-

"And that is what happened." He said to Sonic who looked at him with a somewhat look of admiration but a small tinge of fear that he hoped Knight couldn't notice.

Sonic is well-known for fearing opponents, yes. Despite that though, he cannot help but admire King Lancelot's (seriously wut) super ultra awesome omega great supreme hedgehog knight.

"Hey Tails," Knight said to the two-tailed fox who looked at him to the calling of his name. "Yes?" "Do you know where King Arthur's Kingdom was?" "Um… Yes I have it mapped. Why do you want to know?" "Easy."
My sword is waiting for me

And with that totally "badass" line - which was not spoken aloud and is kind of awkwardly taped to the end - we finish this chapter. I will decide not to question why Tails has Camelot mapped and just assume it's got something to do with that Wii game that had Excalibur in it. I wonder if this story will establish that Arondight once beat the shit out of Caliburn or something.

Oh yeah, there's this little author's note here, too.

So Knight will have a Central Role in things (In a Bad Way) and yes the breaking of the Multiverse Barrier is Knight's current top speed putting him above both Sonic and Shadow in speed and strength respectively. So give a good reason if you think this story is bad so I can change it BUT Knight stays this story would be nothing without him.

Somehow I doubt we will miss much if Knight was removed. But hey, might as well summarise my two cents here:

Overpowered OC who is yet another hedgehog in a series that already has plenty of them, uninspired name with a random-as-hell backstory, the entire premise is a mess (how does someone as powerful as Knight get captured by Eggman? I guess just have him fall into a cage and never bother using the key that was already in the lock!), and basing this on a game yet to be released seems... pointless. Is there even enough information to go off of anything?

I suppose I should just pat myself on the back for not looking at Deviant Art to make myself feel better.