Saturday, 24 October 2015

Sword Art Online: Man, the DLC Is Not Worth the Price

Sword Art Online, for those not in the know, is one of them popular animes that you either love or hate. To get my opinion out of the way: Mother's Rosario > SAO >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Everything Else. Glad we settled that debate.

Anyways, today's story, The World of SAO by Veridan, is a typical OC story about being trapped in Aincrad, and what said OC does during those two years of imprisonment within the game. As the author himself puts it...

When sarcastic and smart college student Terran gets trapped in a virtual reality game, he's mad, and vows revenge on the creator, Akihiko Kayaba. Under the alias Terris, Terris goes to complete all 100 floors, but he has to go up against 99 bosses, death guilds, monsters, traps, dungerons, and his arch nemesis, Kirito.

...You can tell it'll be a whole load of fun to read. So, let's get started...

I'll admit… I've never been a gamer. I play games, a lot, but gamer is a bit of a stretch.

I dunno, you seem to play more games than the filthy casuals, from the sound of things.

However, even I will admit that I am hyped for this new game. And so, fast forward three days later... Sword Art Online, considered to be the most amazing experience in gaming history, a VRMMORPG (Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online Rope Playing Game. I know it's a lot, shut up.)

Right now, there's not much really happening. "In three days, I wait one more day to play a game" is the gist of it. And a joke about the length of an acronym, I suppose.

 I got one of the last copies, one of the last 50. I was really lucky, so I ran home and slammed my door open. Went straight to my room and logged on. I didn't even eat anything.

Now that might as well be a death flag for you, guy. Come to think of it, do you even live with anyone else?

I hadn't eaten anything for like, a day.

See what I mean? The twist is that this guy will suddenly die in day 4 for no readily-apparent, in-game reason, right?

"Link start!" I yelled and suddenly, a flash of blue appeared right before my eyes. I made an account, put my username: Terris and password: monkeykill29 (yes, that's my password, I was bored).

Well, thanks for the login info, genius college student.

By the way, why do you even need to make up a new username? Does the blatantly "Japanese" name Terran not sound awesome enough for you?

I chose my avatar; I was a tall, handsome, fearsome warrior with blue hair and red knight outfit. I was a freaking badass, if I do say so myself.

Pictured: a badass

I did some other annoying calibration stuff, and then I was inside the game. Flashes of blue light appeared around me and plenty of other avatars spawned. I took no attention to them and ran to the market.

SAO was revolutionary for having no annoying tutorials of any kind on start-up, and for it being super-easy to navigate without practise.

 I spawned without a sword which is really freaking dumb.

I'll say, is that supposed to happen?

-After a quick katana purchase and some boar-killing-

I was teleported to the plaza. The blue sky was completely filled with red hexagons. A red blood like material oozed through the cracks, and it turned into a man in a robe.

Well isn't that a slightly odd event. I hope you've prepared an adequate reaction to this.

He said some weird stuff about how we're in a game and trapped, no log out button, but then he sent me a mirror. I equipped it and I turned into someone else. It wasn't my avatar, but me. It was me.

In other words... not someone else, Mr. Smart College Student.

 I was a tall person, with blue hair that went to my eyebrows. I wasn't the strong warrior anymore. I was still tall, but I was skinny and not strong at all.

In other words again, since your stats were not affected by the change, and you're apparently already tall and blue-haired... almost nothing at all has changed about you.

Again, smart college student.

I still had the costume; however, it felt weird on me. I was pissed.

Yeah man, Kayaba is such a dick, making the armour not fit right. Thank god he didn't do anything worse, right?

"At this moment, over 200 players have been deleted from the world of Aincrad and the real world." The man said.

I don't think that happened right this second, but fair enough, things are still following canon.

I started to listen to his conversation;

You've only just started to?! What kind of idiot skips important info during the cutscenes?!

however I was still mad at him for getting rid of my awesome avatar.

Fuck the 200 dead players, though. Scrubs, the lot of them.

 He said some other stuff I didn't listen to, and he left.

Are you secretly DarkSydePhil or something? This is kind of serious shit, here.

 I slowly snuck out of the crowd, bought some potions and teleport crystals and headed for a different freaking village. At least they didn't take away my freaking avatar.

Unlike... uh... Village 1? Is this arrogant fuckhead really supposed to be our hero of the story?

We'll move onto chapter 2 now, given how short this story is.

"Stupid Kayaba. Taking away my avatar. Screw you." I mumbled slowly to myself as I ran to the next village.

What does he think he is, a mass murderer or something?

 I was so mad, I was killing boars in one hit, flipping over virtual tables, and didn't even notice the other guy running towards the next village as well.

I know Asuna broke the sound barrier or whatever in canon, but breaking in-game rules like that is still stupid. Kind of defeats the point of limits in games, y'know?

Also, thought you were bitching about how weak you were now, Smart College Student.

We collided and were thrown back a bit. I rubbed my head in pain and we both got up.

The only two people that have left the starting village, and you somehow completely blind-sided each other while running in the exact same direction.

You and this story's interpretation of Kirito are so dead.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry man!" He scrambled reaching for my hand to pick me up. I grabbed it and he helped me up. "I think you dropped this." He picked up my sword and handed it to me.

And with that, Kirito, the guy rushing to the next village in order to get a massive headstart on the level grinding and crap, immediately resumed his jour-

"Sooooo… is first time in the game?" He asked.

Ah, sorry, I meant to say that he initiates dumbass small talk for no readily-apparent reason.

"Yup. I just bought it today, one of the very last ones." I replied to him.
"Nice. I like it so far. I was a Beta Tester."

"I'm glad Kayaba listened to our recommendation for the starting event. We can weed out all the scrubs so that only us hardcore gamers remain."

"Hey, you need help with getting around?"
"You heard Kayaba…"
I reminisced about that moment. I didn't listen to a thing he said.

Well, don't blame the game when you have no idea what's happening.

"…the easiest way to win an MMORPG is…"

Never start one to begin with?

He took away my avatar. I have a general hatred for him now.

Yeah, how dare take away the appearance that looked almost exactly the same as your real-life look?

"...I know my way around and I was thinking…"
I suddenly realized that this kid was asking to be in a guild with me.

Classic Kirito, creating guilds with random people, when not two seconds ago he refused to join one with a guy he'd gotten to know, because he much prefers being alone and not being held back!

I touched the blue button and he smiled.
"Glad to work with you, Terris?" Is that it?"

"That name sounds dumb. Terran would've been way cooler."

"Ki-ri-to? What kind of name is that?"

You have no right to talk. At least Kirito could pass for a real name.

"No, I didn't. How far away is the next village?"
"This way. It's about 5 miles that way." He pointed west.
"Okay. Let's go."

And with that amazing scene, the story so far has concluded.

So... yeah, I honestly have no idea if this is secretly a troll fic. Terran/Terris/Asshole is such an unlikeable, callous dumbass than I'm led to believe it is, but... it's hard to say.

Either way, this fic cares little for canon, and ruins one of SAO's two good arcs (well, covered by the anime so far). Not a fan of it, I'm afraid.

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