Thursday, 8 October 2015

Fullmetal Alchemist: Angry Edition

So you know how there's seven deadly sins, and the antagonists of Fullmetal Alchemist are named after them? Turns out there was a secret eighth sin all along. I know, weird how it was missed, but that's okay, now it's been rectified with today's fanfiction: Rage: The Eighth Homunculus, by bopdog111.

Now I know what you're all thinking already, and no, it isn't just a prequel starring Wrath. Somehow, rage is completely separate, and I suppose he gets a few whacky adventures?

Rage the eighth Homunculus watch as he travels around Amestra with anyone. The son of Riza Hawkeye, and Colonel Roy Mustang. He fights Homunculus or anything that makes him mad. Rage/BaileyxWinry

So I can only assume this is post-finale, or vastly AU. I'm guessing the latter, thanks to "Amestra".

I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist but i do own Rage. By the way this is before Riza joined the military.

Well, that too.

In a lone village was people walking, taiking, and selling stuff.

Talking or taking? This is an important distinction, probably.

"Ben! The usual?" A guy selling hot dogs ask. "Yeah same old same old." Ben said before a buliding exploded.

It's because Ben's alchemy requires a building to blow up before he can consume hot dogs. It's called Equivalent Exchange, man.

Now the people were screaming, running, and hiding. A pregnant woman with blonde hair into a bun, white tank top, brown shorts, black boots, grey eyes, and pink lipstick was running until a black fingernail emerge from the smoke. The fingernail hit her shoulder she screamed in pain as blood run down her shoulder.

This feels like a strange ensemble of colours to put on. How is it conductive for fleeing random acts of terrorism?

She looked behind her to see a woman wearing a black dress, long black sleeve gloves stopped above her shoulders with red markings, black shoes, long black hair, a grey tattoo that shows a snake eating it's tail with spikes on it's head

Just keep checking off those bullet points, I'm sure you'll reach the end of that appearance list eventually.

and back wings above it and a jew symbol in the center on her chests

I also would have accepted "Ouroboros wrapping itself around a hexagram. Especially when Judaism has nothing to do with the series. I can't imagine the descriptor "jew symbol" goes down well, either.

"Hello Riza Hawkeye." The woman in black said. Riza looked at woman in shock before she said her name "Lust." "Oh my you know my name all to well." Lust said.

"Which is weird, since I kind of don't make it very public. Nor do I personally blow up buildings for that matter."

Lust stop behind Riza and ready her other hand. "Ah well i like to see how Roy will reacted when he sees you dead." Lust said.

Lust was very well known for her hate-boner over Mustang. It's, like, the first thing you remember about her.

"No Lust! Please i have a child on the way!" Riza begged. Lust looked at Riza's expanded stomach, chuckled and said "Ah yes how would i forget that? But i don't care." Lust ready her hand and charge.

Good point. Hard to forget if you don't know - or care - beforehand.

Before it will plunge her face a white gloved hand with a transmutation circle on it grabbed Lust's hand.

"As it did nothing to stop the rapid growth of a fingernail sharp enough to scratch adamantium however, Roy's heroics were in vain."

Lust and Riza looked at the owner and Lust said "Colonel Roy Mustang." Roy is a man with short raven black hair, blue uniform suit, white gloves, black boots, black eyes, and white pants.

And that was all there was to him. Doesn't even own other clothes.

"Lust you will not kill her." Roy said coldly. "Roy you know it's rude to interrupt somebody's business." Lust said. "Not when it's between my wife." Roy said. "Fine." Lust said as she remove her nail from her shoulder.

Dank bants, fam. Or whatever the hell the lingo was back in the AU of a 1930's AU. Uh... sweet conversation, chap?

As she was walking away Roy and Riza hugged each other then Lust stopped walking catching Roy and Riza's attention as they separate each other from the hug.

I think Lust remembered that she's supposed to be over-the-top evil here.

"But-" She started then she turned and fired one of her nails impaling Riza's expanded stomach.

Can't wait to make some dead baby jokes!

Riza slowly looked down in shock with Roy staring at the nail in horrar. "-I can't get away without killing something!"

You blew up a building and still failed to kill anyone? Maybe you should leave the blatant terrorism stuff to the other homunculi, Lust. You seemed way better at the scheming.

Lust laugh as she retracted her nail and ran. "SOLDERS AFTER THAT HOMUNCULUS!" Roy yelled in rage to some solders with tears whelling his eyes. "Sir yes sir!" The solders saluted as they ran toward Lust.

...So why did these soldiers watch Lust stab a pregnant lady, attempt to kill her, make contact with the colonel, stab the same pregnant lady in the stomach, then flee while laughing like a maniac?

By the time they got to the hospital they were waiting. For the review on the child.

Is this how. You write in. A Shatner-like voice? Or maybe just. An overly-dramatic fashion. In general?

Then the doctor came out holding a clipboard. "Well i got good news: Riza will be fine after some stiches." The doctor said. "What about our child?" Roy ask. The doctor hesitated at first before saying the answer "I'm sorry it's dead." Then he left.

I, uh... I don't think I have a joke sufficiently witty enough to point out the rampant dickery with that doctor. Granted, that's not stopped my hilarious commentary before, but... wow.

Well, guess I could give it a try. "Yo man, good news! Your wife's alive, at the cost of your baby. Sucks, lol. See ya~"

Roy and Riza were horrified. "Roy." Riza sobbed with tears running. "I'm sorry Riza i shouldn't left you." Roy said in saddness.

If only you could have predicted an explosion that somehow led to a homunculus targeting your wife for no adequately-explored reason.

...Why was she being targeted? What's their history with Lust? This is pre-military Riza, after all... in which case, why the hell are those two married to begin with?!

Then three doctors came in "Colonel you must leave this room. We will prepare a C-Section to get the child out." One of the doctors said. "Alright." Roy said as he left. Then Riza relize something and thought I know! I will preform human transmutation to get our child back! Before she fell asleep.

Riza is known for her horrendously stupid decision-making, yes.

...Well, okay, I suppose Riza would be broken up over the murder of her unborn child, but... Riza in any timeframe seems a wee bit unlikely to jump straight to "let's bring him back to life with an alchemy that's never actually been known to work, lol".

A couple of hours later they got the dead child of Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye out since then Riza had a dream about her bringing her dead child back.

...Dreaming of her dead child since a couple of hours ago, when the baby was removed? Does the FMA universe even have anaesthetic that good?

"How is she?" Roy ask. "She'll be fine." The doctor said. Roy waited patiently for Riza to wake up. Then Riza opened her eyes. "Roy?" Riza said. "Riza." Roy said as they share a kiss.

Riza. Roy. Riza. Roy. Riza. Roy. Glad to see the classic chemistry between these two is untouched.

"Roy what was it?" Riza ask. "A boy." Roy answered. A week later Riza study human transmutation then she was ready.


So it only took a week to learn all about human transmutation, huh? I always assumed that everyone else who tried took a little longer to work things out, Ed & Al included.

Oh, and I guess I should ask the obvious question: Since when was Riza an Alchemist?

Then she was standing in front of a huge gate. "So you've come." A voice said. She looked behind her to see a being that looks white, a dark aura coming out of her with a smile and she is holding a baby boy. "Is that?" Riza ask. "Yes this is your child." The being said. "I want him." Riza said.

Well... no shit, I suppose.

"What are you willing to trade me for him?" The being ask. "Trade?" Riza said as the being nodded. "Yes." The being said. "Then my way to use Alchemy." Riza said. "Deal but They're is a price your son will become a Homunculus with much knowledge."

Seems a fair trade. Also seems like a thing Truth would mention. It was always nice like that.

Back in Riza's room. Riza woke up to see her son getting up. "My child?" Riza ask with a smile. When the child turned Riza saw red eyes glaring at her. She also sees her son's Homunculus tattoo on his stomach.

Riza's motherly instincts took over, and she immediately scolded her son for getting tattoos instead of a job. Kids these days, man.

The boy then said in a dark demonic voice "Hello Mother." Riza's smile faded.

I think Riza just realised that her son came from a Creepypasta world.

"RIZA!" Roy yelled as he opened the door. When then the boy saw him he ran. "Riza are you alright? Riza!" Roy said. Roy looked out the window seeing the child.
"Hello Father." The boy said as he ran.

It's times like these that I wish I could kidnap commission an artist to capture moments like these. Is Rage just casually speaking over his shoulder, while fleeing the house or something?

The birth of Rage and no he'll not team up with the rest. Be sure to review.

And with that devastating spoiler, the chapter comes to a close.

So... yeah! Rage! I can only assume that's what most people feel while reading this, given how... um... short it comes up. Everybody is pretty OOC, the AU thing only mentions a pre-military backstory for Riza, yet just about every detail is changed, and Lust... seems to prefer letting the whole world knows of her exploits now.

Well, if there's anything to that law of Equivalent Exchange, I should be able to find one good fanfic per bad one, so it shouldn't be too hard to find something that'll catch my interest! ...Right? 

1 comment:

  1. I see you readed my story to answer those questions: No those aren't jokes, Those Soldiers are afraid of the Homunculi, Lust was assigned to kidnapped Riza and failed had no choice but kill Rage still unborn, Riza became a alchemist just to make Rage back, and Rage talked over his shoulder.