Thursday, 8 September 2016

Bleach - (漂白) - It Means Bleach, Probably.

Okay, I think I finally beat my procrastination, my 4 mobile games are refilling energy, and my consoles have been banished from my grasp for the time being... guess it's time to make myself feel better by reading more fanfiction!

Today's subject is Saviour of the World, by Mistress Galiancrystal, a Bleach self-insert story. I could summarise more, but I'm sure the description is more than enough to excite you:

15 year old Spanish American, Victoria Espinosa, finds herself in the world of Bleach. Summoned by the Reiō, she goes under the name Minato Reishinzō and helps others and saves lives. While her wit and knowledge be enough? Authoress Insert(originally The Zanpakutō Summoner) OCx?

I dunno about you, but I sure am excited to read a story that hints towards the usage of gratuitous Japanese in place of actual English equivalents!

Well, no time to waste, let's get to the prologue.

"I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams."~Aunt May, Spider-Man 2

Good to know we're starting off deep. None of that poser Ghandi shit here, folks!

I wiped my eyes of tears at ten o'clock in the early morning of August.

Ah, yes, the single morning of August, what a day that was. Where were you on August's solitary morning of the month?

Why was I crying you ask? I finished the final chapter of Bleach, crying as the ending was rather a surprise.

I mean, sure, it wasn't the best ending in the world, but it wasn't quite "Sasuke is forgiven and starts a family" bad, you know?

There was only a few disappointments I have- the biggest being Jugram dead. I'm sorry, but I have a crush on the Quincy(as well as Tsukishima) so of course I'd complain about his death besides the fact that he has hIS BEST FRIEND'S INITIALS ON HIS SWORD.

Yeah, poor Jugram. Really sucked that he died. What a shame. Who the hell was he, again?

-Research ensues-

Ah, right, Haschwalth. Yeah, he sure left an impact... and what does that last sentence even mean? You're exempting that thing about his friends' initials from his death?

My name is Victoria Espinosa. I live in the United States of America and I hate Trump.

Well I guess I can't nitpick any flaws with this character now. her personality's been set to 'flawless'.

 I stand 5'7", born with brown hair in which I dyed it bright sky blue underneath along with brown eyes.

What kind of sorcerer is capable of dying the underside of one's hair only? That's card game-protagonist levels of silly.

I took out my notebook- a small 3 inch by 5 inch blue notebook with the Substitute Shinigami logo in white on it as I wrote in it in a semi-cursive, "Make IshiHime canon"

So is this your bucket list? Wishlist? Ransom demands to the police while Kubo's held captive in your basement?

I had to make IshiHime canon because to be honest, it's better than IchiHime.

One could argue that Ichigo and Orihime have zero chemistry with each other, but really, her one-sided crush makes that pairing way more plausible than... uh... that time she interacted with Uryuu in Soul Society?

The first one on the list was, "Get sucked into Bleach".

Unfortunately for Victoria, she had written in a Monkey's Notebook, so when she was inevitably pulled into the world of her favourite manga, it was a completely different country, with no ties to anything vaguely resembling Bleach's plot, no way to get to Karakura Town, no powers to speak of...

Second being, "Check if I'm one of my OCs(preferably a Visored-Quincy)"

Not even Ichigo was both of those things at once. And Ichigo was every goddamn thing in the series. Except whatever Komamura was. ...As far as we know.

Another is "Get to Kisuke's place" and a lot more. I laughed at the list, knowing that they won't come true. Okay now I'm sad about that.

And then literally the next sentence- well, after this confusing scene transition.
~Timeskip by My Chemical Romance's songs(Your memory will carry on)~

I'm still struggling to parse that sentence. I'd assume it's a song by My Chemical Romance... but apparently it's a song by the bands'... er... songs? Well, anyway.

"Ow…" I groaned as I stood up, dusting myself off with one hand while rubbing my eyes with the other. "Where the hell am I?" I muttered to myself as I looked down at myself to make sure I was okay.

I would point out that we've skipped how she managed to end up in Bleach, but let's be honest, I'd call bullshit on literally any method. Let's just suspend disbelief or something.

My clothes, which were formerly pjs, have changed. My dad's old bright sky blue DC shirt was replaced with a form fitting sky blue shirt with a white Kingdom Hearts heart and crown top along with two entirely different jackets that went together.

...Oh boy.
1. Overuse of sky-blue to the point it rivals Kubo's use of black and white - minus the ~SYMBOLISM~
2. At least choose a franchise that existed before Bleach even started. Hell, would the game have been out by the time the series got to the Fullbringer arc?

3. "Two entirely different jackets that went together".

The first jacket is black with two thin white stripes going down the sleeves and the bottom ended mid-thigh. The second jacket is a jean vest with pockets on the inside and when I took it off, it showed a logo.

Those go about as well together as socks and sandals. And of course there's a logo. Everything has a logo. Right, what's the logo, then?

 The logo was a white diamond shape like the Gotei 13 seal but with Squall's Lion Heart symbol in replacement of the Squad/Division logo- once again, in white.

...Lemme just see if I'm imagining that correctly.

I assumed the background was sky-blue so you could actually see the damn thing.

I didn't know what my hair looked like… until I walked around the city trying to find the candy shop of the Bōshi-geta and came across a window.

Should you really be concerned with what hair style you've ended up with? You've kind of woken up in a strange place where, for all you know, you've just been kidnapped and dumped somewhere.

My hair was still the same brown color, but without my dye as if someone used dye remover with my hair in the style of Mugetsu's but the long hair was cut to a little below my shoulder blades.

So... "long, wild hair falling below my shoulder blades" was too tricky to type? It had to be "Mugetsu, but smaller"?

It looked like someone performed eye surgery on me and traded my eyes with Grimmjow's which was pretty cool.

That is exactly my reaction to finding out my eyeballs have been swapped with another's. "Oh, neat."

Except I have normal pupils and this made me happy.

So in other words, they are not Grimmjow's eyes. If anything, you now have yellow irises.

"I look great." I told myself and ran a hand through my hair starting with my bangs. A snicker left my mouth as I fixed my hair because I managed to do Aizen's hairdo and it looks horrible on me.

How the hell do you manage to make this...
...From this?

A princesasuke picture, for credit's sake.

Not even Illusion McTrollface could pull that one off.

"Wait… maybe I should check to see if I'm spiritually aware." I thought. "Well… only way to find o- Nevermind." My eyes looked up and saw the huge, spider like Hollow.

I mean, at least you've already answered your question?

-And then she was saved by Urahara-

"... Bōshi-geta." I muttered as he raised an eyebrow. "Do you call people you meet with a bucket hat and clogs that?" He asked before telling me,

-that gratuitously using Japanese terms is very stupid when you're writing the story in English? And that the English term was just used in the exact same sentence?

 "You can see spirits, don't you?"
"Uh… I'm not even sure if that was a spirit. More like a demon."

Good to know that the Bleach fangirl has no idea what a Hollow is, but can remember Haschwalth's first name.

-And so we timeskip to Urahara dumping some exposition on what Hollows are-

"Death Gods… interesting." I murmured and took a calm sip of my tea. "But you already knew that, didn't you?" Those words caused me to choke in mid-drink and to cleared my throat. "W-what was that, Mister Urahara? I didn't quite heard what you said clearly." I let out a small nervous laugh as Kisuke's face showed seriousness.

I love how she uses the terms 'shinigami' and 'death god', when the series already had a translated ter. Hell, I'm surprised she even went with 'death god'. It doesn't sound Japanese enough.

Also, why is she even hiding that she knows about Hollows? It's not exactly going to change anything.

He then pulled out an envelope of sorts, labeled with a seal having on the inside of said seal was a kanji on it that I recognized from looking up random kanjis and their meanings.

What luck you happened to look up that one particular Kanji one day while you were bored, and then never forgot what it meant.

 "The… Reiō?" I raised an eyebrow as I took the envelope and looked at it. "Did he know I was coming here?" I thought before opening it and reading the letter. My eyes widened when the kanjis started to arranged themselves into English words.

Therefore making the effort to write in Japanese completely pointless. Good job, Soul King.

Also, why is the Soul King kidnapping random girls, hope they end up in Urahara's shop before the get eaten, and posting letters there? This feels needlessly roundabout.

(Soundtrack: Kingdom Hearts II Soundtrack - Passion - KINGDOM Orchestra Instrumental Version; Start: 0:55 mark)

...Um... behold, the theme that plays when Victoria reads a letter?

"Greetings,As you have already known, I am the Reiō, the creator and balancer of the universe.

"And much like yourself, I speak in English, except when I randomly slip Japanese words into my speech. Like a true Nihon-taichi."

 I chose you out of all the others because you think differently than most. You see both sides of the field, the good and evils sides, along with the line in between, the neutral side.

So... does she just handwave every terrible crime a character does if they're hot enough or something? What does that even mean?

Once you came into this world, I granted you powers you will be needing.

Because I'm sure there was no one else that was effectively neutral to whatever's going on. And would also have combat experience.

So yes, in other words, you're part Shinigami, Hollow, and Quincy.

"But not part-Fullbringer. Don't want you getting too sue-ish."

This should be helpful, no? I have given out similar letters to a few others about you and they will help you understand your powers and train you to tame said powers.

I mean, she's effectively ripping off Ichigo by now, and assuming this is post-manga (...where the Soul King is dead?), Ichigo is all of those things and pretty much the strongest guy ever, now. This feels a little unnecessary.

Please, do not be reckless on your journey.With prayers,霊王P.S.- You are able to respond back by writing on the back of these."

So the letter that magically translates itself into English just so happen to lack the words 'soul' and 'king'. Well, I guess those words can be added in the next patch.

I was left speechless after reading the letter. The Reiō, THE Reiō, chose a kid who is lazy and has anxiety, to save the word? 

Anxiety that has not manifested in any way despite the situation, by the way. 

-And so she decides to write back to the Soul King-

Ichi- Why choose me out of others who have more potential and strength than I do? I may think the ways similar of Sōsuke Aizen and a few others I could list off of from this universe, but I lack a lot of things other potential "saviors" could have.

2. "Think the ways similar of Sosuke Aizen"? Wha?

Ni- These "few others" you speak of, how many are there? I believe from what you have said in your letter, there's at least one for each species? Besides human of course.

The Soul King really needs to learn clarity. All this ambiguity makes things so awkward.

San- What events do I exactly have to prevent? Is there unjust deaths that need to be fixed?

Neglecting to inform the main character of what the plot even is is rather silly, too.


Oh for fuck's sake.

Once I was finished writing, the letter glowed before vanishing into sparkles and I raised an eyebrow. "Well then…" I mumbled and looked at Kisuke who seems to have a bit of confusion as well.

"If these things can just teleport to and from recipient and sender, that both makes its delivery to my shop unnecessary, and completely obsoletes the death butterflies. Goddamnit Soul King."

(Soundtrack: Kingdom Hearts II Soundtrack - Passion - KINGDOM Orchestra Instrumental Version; 1:55 mark)

I love it when books tell me what song to listen to. Oh well, can't really complain if it's a good song, huh?

So from here, Kisuke establishes he will train our endearing protagonist, and we switch between several 'nobody's' points of view. Or Senseis. Or... teachers. starting at number ni 2 because Urahara gets to be the first.

So, Sensei 2!

A pale-skinned male examined a letter that was put in his papers, the pale moonlight shining down on him as he looked up at the moon.
"Train this "chosen one" of not just Quincy blood, but of Shinigami as well… I will see about training you as my choice, not his."

"Even though I would have known literally nothing about this person and would not care otherwise, it is totally all me that is making the choice to train this stranger for no reason."

Sensei 3!

"A savior?"
A cold voice spoke as grey eyes examined the paper before him, closing his eyes as he let out a sigh.
"Very well then, I shall see that they will be properly trained."

Not much to say there, really. So... on to 4.

"The hell you mean another Visored!?"
"Yep. It's a girl too."
"You would point that out."
"What? I can't help but think how much of a cutie she'l- OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?"
"For you being a dumbass! Dumbass!"

Well at least it's beyond obvious who these two are.

Boy, that sure added a lot. Vague hints to who her future teachers will be, only one of whom is actually identifiable because they weren't given the least descriptive sentence in the universe for which we can guess their identities.

-And back to Victoria-

"So… what will your new name be?" Kisuke asked as he guided his new student to her room.

Why would she need a new name?

"My name…? "Victoria thought about it, a new name meant she could disguise herself, become one with the environment and blend in with the crowd.

Yes, the girl that literally no one else has met can hide her identity by adopting a new name, which will help with her blend in with the scenery. You know, alongside her half-Mugetsu hair and bright yellow eyes.

"My name… is…" Confidence swelled inside of her as she smirked with a glint of slight cockiness in her blue orbs.
"My name is Minato Reishinzō(霊心臓 港)- chosen savior of the Reiō!"

""...Why did you call yourself 'Harbour soulspirit' twice in a row?" Urahara asked with exapseration."

So, on top of her distinctly non-Japanese appearance, she also has a blatantly not-real surname that will get commented on far more than 'Espinosa'. You are awesome at blending in, Harbour.

And finally, the chapter ends with some fun facts... with the numbers written in Japanese because there was no other possible way to write them:

Ichi: Minato is a unisex name.Ni: Reishinzō means "spirit heart".

I love that we get the meaning for her made-up surname, but Minato is just 'Unisex name'.

San: The kanjis of this chapter are- 1. Reiō, 2. Espinosa Victoria, and then 3. Reishinzō Minato.

And it was necessary to write themin Kanji because... uh... set in Japan? Yet written in English?

Shi: Minato is Victoria's favorite Hokage from Naruto(besides Tobirama).

Why is one of her favourite characters a horrible father that doomed his infant child to a life of misery under the assumption nothing bad could ever possibly happen by sealing a fucking demon inside of him?

Go: "Ichi" means "one", "Ni" means "two", "San" means "three", "Shi" means "four" and "Go" means "five".

Because I'm sure common sense would not have told us otherwise. I have a fact of my own, by the way: The English language has numbers, too. They can also be written as '1, 2, 3, 4, 5". Weird, huh?


Phew, that sure was a thing. This story contains a lot of the usual tropes a self-insert fanfiction uses: The MC somehow gaining an appearance that's an amalgamation of their favourite characters (and sometimes their powers, too), informed character flaws, inexplicable importance despite the canon possessing dozens of far more viable candidates for... whatever actually needs doing, and worst of all... the goddamn gratuitous Japanese.

I get it, Bleach is set in Japan. But unless you're writing the whole thing in Japanese, there's zero reason to just randomly throw in random Japanese words just because. If there's literally no way to translate a word or phrase without killing the meaning or ending up with a paragraph for a translation, then fine, go ahead. But seriously, Japanese numbering? Refusing to acknowledge the English alternatives for everything?

...Well, that's that rant over. Time to go back to being lazy for a few months.

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