Saturday, 20 December 2014

Magical Girl Dancing Nanoha

Today's specimen, known as Love Triangle, by aurasakura, is another of those "AU and OOC for the hell of it" stories. Though it never went got beyond that one chapter, it's pretty much a set-up for a high school love story. In which love is displayed with vile hatred or something. So you can tell it's very Nanoha-like already. Time to get started I guess.


"No! No! No! Otou-san!" screamed Nanoha.

"Don't let them write fanfiction about me, dad!"

She tried to turn away from the gruesome sight but was surrounded by her family. They were too covered by wounds and blood, trying to get hold of Nanoha.
"Why, Nanoha! Why didn't you save us!" groaned her family.
"It's not my fault," Nanoha squeaked out and started to run.

This is so blatantly Nanoha right now. So did Precia nuke their house or something?

-After she sinks into darkness and wakes up screaming-

Why! I had been having this dream since last month. And… it had been getting worse…

Riveting stuff.

-And now back to Normal's point of view, as aurasakura puts it-

Nanoha glanced at the clock and shrieked out, "Oh my god! I am going to be late again!"
She flew to the school with lightning speed. Just as she thought she ca reach school in time, a dark blue blur slammed into her.

Nanoha is well known for being late to everything. It's quite tragic that it caused her to be run over by a speeding blue car. Or Chrono.

"Itai!" Nanoha muttered while rubbing the bump on her head.


She looked up to see who crashed into her and fell into the deep dark blue orbs of her enemy, Chrono Hallaoun.

No relation to Chrono Harlaown. Also, Chrono, an enemy of Nanoha? Is this a BetrayerS fic or something?

Haha, look at me, referencing things I haven't read.

Oblivious to the stare from Nanoha, Chrono shrieked out, "What the heck are you doing! Crashing into me with your big fat body!"

I can see a lot of maturity being present in this conversation.

Nanoha broke out from her trance and started to scold him back, "You perverted, idiotic, stupid, clumsy, fat, disgusting, gross, smelly, decomposing, pathetic excuse for a human being who could not even get an A for any test. And for your information, you were the one that crash into me.

...Jesus Christ, Nanoha, tone it down! Where the hell did that come from?! I was not aware your weight was a weak point.

Chrono tried to protest back but they heard a loud angry voice behind them, "Mr Hallaoun and Miss Takamachi, what are you two still doing here. The bell had already rung half an hour ago! Get back to the class now and detention for both of you!"

But two seconds ago, Nanoha was sure she'd make it in time. Actually, are they even at the school? How did so much time pass? Why is the principal clenching his fist in the next line?

-The two bicker like people that aren't Nanoha and Chrono on the way to class-

"Oh it seems that the late couple is finally here," mocked the teacher.
Nanoha and Chrono gave the teacher their most famous glare but it seems that they are not the only ones glaring at him. The boys who had a crush on Nanoha and the girls who had a crush on Chrono were too glaring at the teacher with hatred in their eyes.

1) The teacher appears to be a dick.
2) Implying that only heterosexual attractions exist in a fandom that revels in yuri? ...I will assume nothing offensive was meant, but it's kind of noticeable here.

-And then the class splits for P.E. class-

"Ok guys, we are going to play some basketball," Mr Himura said.
All the boys in the class moaned and groaned.

I'm a fat, lazy asshole and even I would laugh at their reaction. Basketball is frickin' awesome, ya lazy shits!

"Ok…if you every of you guys can score five hoops consecutively, you can watch the girls dance." Mr Himura said knowing that the boys would definitely fail. But to his utmost horror, every boy scored the five hoops consecutively. "Okay… you guys can go watch the girls.

...Someone mind doing a more thorough background check on this guy? Also, "they will definitely fail. Oh crap."

-Now to the girls-

"Okay girls we are going to continue dancing lessons for the upcoming competition. And remember girls, only the top three dancers can get to the competition. We will have a battle to decide the best. So everyone please do your best." Miss Mizuki said.
"Hai, Miss Mizuki!" the girls chorused, whispering among themselves about the competition.

Well, first off, yes.
Second, the girls get a competition, and the boy's get a teacher condoning what can be interpreted as perverted actions?

"Let's get warm up now, shall we? We begin by having a slow song so each and every of you try to create your style of dancing. Let us begin with Miss Tsukimura." Miss Mizuki called out.

Maybe it's because I've never taken any kind of dancing class in my life, but do they generally follow a "make shit up" module for dance?

The names were called one by one as the boys' eyes popped out watching the girls danced.

Hey, uh, Miss Mizuki? The boys are kind of not supposed to be there. Mind telling them off?

"Miss Takamachi, you are next," Miss Mizuki said.
"Hai!" Nanoha chirped out enthusiastically.


Following the beat of the song, she created the dance moves in her mind with a snap. She danced to the beat gracefully, each move with a meaning to it.


-Suddenly Chrono's PoV-

Wow… she is good… like an angel… hey what am I thinking about.

Hell if I know. you're supposed to hate her, remember?

-le normal-

All the boys and girls clapped loudly, even Miss Mizuki was impressed with Nanoha. Nanoha blushed at all the attention given to her. Just when they want to bombard Nanoha with questions, the dismissal bell rang. Nanoha quickly escaped from the clutches of her friends and ran out of the school.
"Whew… if they find out how I can dance so well, I will not have a peaceful day in school." Nanoha said to herself.

What, did you meet a talking ferret that gave you a pretty stone that gives you magical dancing powers? ...Nah, too silly.

"What are you murmuring about?" Chrono asked curiously.
Nanoha jumped upon hearing her enemy's voice.
"Nothing," she replied defensively. Then sly thought crept into her mind. "So what do you think about my dance today?" She asked flirtatiously.

Hours ago, you verbally crapped all over him as if he were scum of the earth, and now you're acting all flirty? With the guy you just said was your enemy, like, one line ago?

-More PoV changing for one whole line-

Oh man…why does she have to be so sexy. I cannot let her see me blush. Come on Chrono, act normal.

Ooooh, dis gun b whacky!

"Your dance is like what a slut will do to seduce someone," Chrono spat out.

Smooth. also, very Chrono.

Tears started to form in Nanoha's eyes when she heard his rude remark. She slapped him hard and yelled out, "You insensitive jerk!" before running off.

Still less intense than that previous hazing, somehow.

And after that, Chrono feels bad and Nanoha cries herself to sleep. Also something something nightmares.

Well, that was... kinda stupid. As previously mentioned, Nanoha and Chrono were wildly out of character, it's a high-school AU for... no real reason, I guess, and the whole thing was just written oddly. Random Point-of-view changes that last one line, and the entire thing was bolded. I guess it saved me the trouble of doing do?

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