Sunday, 29 April 2018

A Story Where We Capture The Self-Insert Card

Boy, has it been a while since I looked up Cardcaptor stuff. Or read the Clear Card manga. Actually, I haven't watched the original anime is a long time either. I really should get around to these things at some point. Before that though, fanfiction!

Today's story is The Tale Of The Two Cardcaptors, by Zachycards. I am sure the title makes it obvious what we will be seeing here.

This is a self insert story of mine that was deleted a few years back. But now I have decided to continue my work on it. This is a story of how I wished upon a star one night to become a CardCaptor just like Sakura. Please feel free to leave me a review. But remember that no flaming reviews are allowed at all, under any circumstances.

So we have... one sentence of the barest summary ever, and three sentences of ultimately meaningless fluff. Great start! Shitty reviewers won't be turned away by a request not to be shitty, sadly. All you can do there is ignore or delete as necessary.

It was just another gloomy day for me in New York City as I lay quietly in my bed. I was just about to close my eyes, when a shooting star shot across the sky,

It's a good thing you noticed that while in bed. Well, with the lack of information on where you are, for all I know your bed is a blanket on an open rooftop.

I then closed my eyes tight and said, "I wish I was the brother of Sakura Avalon and was granted the same powers as her when we found the clow book together."

Unfortunately, the shooting star was a sub elitist, and refused to acknowledge the existence of a Sakura Avalon.

When I woke up, I found myself in a very unfamiliar room, but for some reason, it looked very familiar to me.

I'm glad we established that the unfamiliar room was, in fact, familiar.

"W-where am I?" I said/asked to no one in particular as I sat up in the bed that I was sleeping in. What happened next was a shock to me, the alarm clock that rested in between the beds went off, and an all too familiar girl with short auburn hair and emerald colored eyes sprang up from under the covers. "HOEEEEEE! Were going to be late!" Sakura said.

And from this point on, there are zero questions from the currently-nameless protagonist about how he ended up in Sakura's room. Seriously, it moves on as if he were always there and the shooting star section was completely pointless. This is the very next sentence:

And with that, both me and Sakura got dressed into our school uniforms, and headed downstairs for breakfast.

Ah well, we can at least find out what unique interactions another sibling brings into the Kinomoto Avalon household!

"Sakura, Zachary, could you too be any louder?" Tori said in a sarcastic tone. "We weren't that loud" Sakura said to Tori. "You two sounded like small dinosaurs up there" Tori teased. "We were walking normally!" I said in response.

oh good the interactions are exactly the same no change whatsoever

"Hey, I'm lucky, how many brothers get two dinosaurs for a little brother and sister." Tori said. "STOP CALLING US DINOSAURS!" Sakura and I said/yelled in unison.

I get the feeling they're going to share dialogue a lot. A lot.

After Sakura and I had our breakfast and Tori left, we both strapped on our skates, put on our protective padding, and after I helped Sakura up, we made our way down the street to meet up with Tori and Julian. 

I wonder if super skating powers was included in the 'have the same powers' wish. Couldn't you have at least went with a skateboard? At this rate, you're just being a Sakura genderswap, Zachary.

-They go to school, which ends in the very next sentence-

After the school day ended, me and Sakura then headed back to our home. But, when we got home, we began to hear strange noises that seemed to be coming from the basement.

From here, the fanfic takes a shocking swerve into horror, and the most Evil Dead-ish of tales transpires.

-And so they decide to check it out-

A few seconds later, me and Sakura were down in the basement. Both of us had our batons clenched in our hands, and, it wasn't long until we came upon a row of bookshelves in the back.

...So wait, is Zachary a cheerleader, too? Why does he have a baton?

It was then that both of us jumped out hoping to see someone, but there was no one there.

You were hoping for a burglar?!

 But, as Sakura and I stayed close to one another while looking around, we heard a strange noise. Both of us then turned around and noticed that one of the books on the shelf was glowing. Without hesitating even once, both Sakura I reached for the glowing book and pulled it off the shelf.

You don't need to literally do the exact same things as each other. Like, wow, Zach's mimicking every single thing Sakura does, right down to her skating and cheerleading.

It was then that both Sakura and I dropped our batons and gazed at the book, the book was red and had what looked like a lion type creature on the front cover, chains were on either side of it, and a sun was in front. "That's the same book from my dream" Sakura and I said to ourselves.

WHEN DID YOU EVEN HAVE A DREAM, ZACH

Also, yet more copying. Is the plot twist that Zachary was ~The Mirror~ all along or something? Wait, no, that one already exists. Uh... The Shadow? ...Copycat? There we go. Was Zach ~The Copycat~ all along?

-The book opens-

Inside the weird book was a stack of cards, both Sakura and I picked up the top one, the cards name was in English. "The Windy" we both said in unison.

That must be some fucking heavy cardboard is that card requires two(?) ten-year olds to pick it up.

-One localised tornado and card-scattering later-

When the wind finally stopped, both Sakura and I dropped the strange book and sank to the floor. "What is this?" I asked while looking at the card.

Holy crap Zach said something by himself.


A moment later both Sakura and I were staring at a tiny, winged, teddy bear who was rising from the glowing book."Hey-hey-hoo!" It said, while hovering in midair and smiling, "Well, I'm surprised that you two were able to wake me up!""An Osaka accent…?" Sakura and I asked in unison.

Aw, well it was fun while it las- hey wait hold on, an Osakan accent? Are we following the dub or not?!

-I realise I seem to be skipping a lot, but so little content has actually been changed it seems redundant to bother showing the sentences. We skip to their bedroom, after the story itself skips informing Kero what happened to the cards. Skipception. Kero tells them both to help recollect the cards-

"B-but wasn't it your job to keep those cards properly sealed away in the first place?" I asked."Well…" Now Kero was embarrassed, "I accidentally fell asleep.""For how long?" Sakura asked."About thirty years." Kero said."And you call yourself the Beast of the Seal?" I asked.

By now, I'm sure you've surmised that Sakura and Zachary either talk in unison, or split Sakura's dialogue between the two. It makes for extremely riveting story-telling, I assure you.

Sakura and I then got up, and stood by our beds, which seemed to vanish as the magic circle from before formed on the floor under both of us. "Keys of the Seal." Kero intoned. Two small balls of light rose from the keyhole of the book and hovered in front of me and Sakura. "These two kids will carry out the sacred promise, there names are Sakura and Zachary. I command you to bestow them with you magical powers, RELEASE THE POWER!

It occurs to me that Zachary is very lucky that Cardcaptors is not a magical girl show with actual transformations. Though with how this has been written so far, I expect Tomoyo Madison to create the exact same dresses for both them them.

It was then that both of the two light balls expanded, as did the keys, each forming a baton like staff. I caught the blue colored one, while Sakura caught the pink colored one when we were told by Kero to grab them. "All right! It's the birth of two CardCaptors!" Kero cheered. As the circle faded and the room returned to normal, both Sakura and I examined our staffs and turned to Kero, expecting him to say something.
But instead, he was stuffing his face full of pudding.

Hahaha, oh Kero.

That's it for chapter 1. Might as well cover the next chapter so we can finish the first episode, I suppose? With any luck there'll be "original" content I can actually comment on.

It had only been a few minutes since Kero dubbed me and Sakura as "CardCaptors." And although Kero said that we were both the right people for the job, Sakura and I still felt a little dismissive.

Jeez you two could be a little more impressed that the Osakan-but-possibly-English-speaking plushie that lived in a magical book gave you both mystical staffs.

It was then that Sakura and I heard a loud noise that sounded like a bird screeching. Sakura and I then ran to the window, and upon looking out the window, we noticed a giant blue bird flying in the sky.

I love it when things are exactly what they say on the tin.

"What is that?" Sakura and I asked Kero as he approached the window. "It's a Clow Card" Kero said. Sakura and I gulped; we both knew then what we had to do.

Show that you're capable of acting independently from each other?

-They run out to combat The Fly-

 Sakura and I then reached down our shirts and pulled out our respective keys. "Oh key of clow, power of magic, power of light, surrender the wand, the force ignite, RELEASE! Sakura and I chanted in unison.

This story is going to kill the word 'unison' for me I swear to Clow.

"You distract the bird, and I seal it?" I asked. "Sounds like a plan to me" Sakura said in response while smiling.

Oh wow they're actually going to try and do different things? Of course Zach is the one that gets the glorious sealing role, but hell, it'll give me something to moan about!

It was then that Sakura approached the giant bird. But, while I wasn't looking, the bird spread its wings and took off into the sky, and, little did I know was that Sakura had jumped onto the bird and was taken along for the ride.

...Why were you not looking at the giant bird creature in the first place? Surely that thing requires your full attention?

-And so he uses Windy to bind the bird and Sakura falls to the ground-

It was when I was kneeling beside Sakura that she finally woke up, "uh…What happened?" Sakura asked. "You almost got hurt when I bound the Fly card with Windy, but thankfully I was able to catch you in time" I said. "Thank you Zachary" Sakura said as she smiled at me. "Your welcome" I said as I helped her up.

Thank you for recapping the last few paragraphs, Zach. Glad we have you to keep the events in order, we'd all be lost without ya.

It was then that we turned our attention back to the bound Fly card, and Kero then flew right beside us. "There is one thing that both of you must know before sealing the card, both of you will have to swing your staffs down in unison, or else the capture won't work." Kero said. "Right!" Sakura and I replied in unison.

Could have mentioned that wee tidbit five minutes ago, Kero. Seems like an incredibly important detail to hold back until after one of them almost cracked their skull against the pavement from a fifty-foot drop.

About a few seconds after that, nothing happened, but a few seconds later, one half of a card materialized on the tips of our staffs. The Fly card spirit was then split in half, and then one half of it went into both of our card halves.

The air was filled with the agonised, heart-rending screams of The Fly as it was violently torn in twain by the cardcaptors' cruel magic.

It was then that Kero landed in front of us and said, "both of you will need to write your names on the card so that it won't escape."And with that, Sakura and I wrote our names on the bottom of the Fly Card with Sakura's name below mine.

CAN'T HAVE THE SUPER AWESOME OC ANYWHERE BUT THE VERY TOP RIGHT

"Why don't the both of you try it out?" Kero asked after Sakura and I were both done writing our names on the card. "What can the card do?" Sakura asked.

Clue's in the name, Sakura. You're silly, not braindead.

"I think I got a pretty good idea" I said as I crouched down and picked up the Fly Card.

Oh but of course Zachary can figure what a card called The Fly can do. Such a genius.

Sakura and I then once again raised our staffs, swung both of them down at the same time, and tapped the Fly Card at the same time. "FLY!" Sakura and I yelled out in unison,
So, like... is the card still in two halves, or do you both just use the exact same card now...?

and after the one word was said, both of our staffs grew wings on the top. Sakura and I then got on our respective winged staffs, and then, after a few seconds, we took off into the sky. "This is awesome!" Sakura and I said in unison.

And stop speaking in unison goddamnit.

"I knew I could count on you two CardCaptor Sakura and Zachary" Kero said. "Hold on, we haven't agreed to anything yet" Sakura and I said in unison as all three of us flew across the sky.

GRRRAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ahem. And with that, that's chapter two finished, and so am I.

Phew, that was... incredibly bland, to be honest. For the most part, it's a copy-paste of the dialogue, with the only changes being either "Self-insert speaks in unison with Sakura like they were creepy ghost twins" or "Zachary and Sakura swap lines that Sakura herself would have spoken herself anyway". Also, Zachary just... goes along with the 'sucked into Cardcaptors' thing ridiculously easily. Like, not even a passing thought like "what the fuck how", he's just instantly fitting in. Well, 'fitting in'. It made the intro with the shooting star extremely pointless if it plays into absolutely nothing.

According to a paragraph I skipped at the beginning of the story, this is a re-upload after some assholes humiliated the author. Obviously, that really sucks and shouldn't be done, regardless of the story's quality. Not to sound like some special exception or anything, but if all you can bring to a story is blind hatred... why should anyone give a shit about your opinion? Explain why a story doesn't work in detail, and how it could possibly be improved, and maybe the author can actually write something better?

Or, y'know, bash your keyboard in frothing rage, I'm sure that's fine. Us intellectuals like to provide some snark and sophistication to the proceedings, myes. *Swirls wineglass*

Wednesday, 10 January 2018

A Touhou Fanfic Where The Biggest Sin Is Committed

Man, feels like it's been forever since I did anything Touhou-related. I could probably spend more effort looking up franchises I haven't covered for the sake of variety, but... goddamn my choice in media is shockingly limited. I need to put my Netflix account to good use, it seems.

Anyways, here we have Sin Judgement by Momotaros Hawking. What is it about? Well...

This is literally my first story, so you aren’t expecting anything special or epic from it. But still spend sometime and read it. Sooooo the story is basically about a boy named Aruma who had been given a mission by his father to protect Gensokyo from an organization that wants to rules Gensokyo.

It's about some random boy that has to protect a pocket dimension, which is unknown to literally everybody except, like, five humans outside of the place, from an 'organisation' that feel the need to rule a place filled with powerful monsters and is filled with obsolete junk from the past. Also we're told from the get-go that the story isn't anything special but we should still read it. It's an interesting marketing strategy, at least.

Well, without further ado...


Being a protagonist of a story was never a good thing, it means you'll have to face a lot of tragic moments

Unless you're a Touhou character, where your most tragic moment will be either "I was sealed away for a thousand years, but it wasn't that bad really. I'll go preach Buddhism now", or... "I had to resolve an Incident, and it wasted my whole afternoon, man."


sometimes Aruma wished he was a side character who can live a peaceful life. Sadly, his wish will never be granted. Because Natsu Aruma was unfortunately the protagonist of this story.

I mean, it's not like side-characters are exempt from tragedy either. Take any given side-character from a Nisio Isin work - they have to suffer with a terrible protagonist stealing their screen time!

Three years ago, a man performed a magic ritual to his 13 years old son.

Oh good, is this going to be a Naruto situation where the totally-well-meaning dad fucks up his son's life by trapping an evil monster inside h-


Turning him into the carrier of all sin.

...O-oh. Well, uh... I guess turning him into Angra Mainyu is about the only way to top Minato's shit-tier parenting.


" Father what are you going to do with me, let go of me! " The white hair boy struggled to try to get free " Don't resist Aruma, you cannot break through my bind spell. This is something I must do, you had your rights to hate me. "

So now he no longer has the right to hate you? This seems like the best time possible to be hating you, dude.


 then the man started to speak a paragraph of words, a magic circle started glow under Aruma, within a second the whole place was covered with a strong light, then Aruma was burning in blue flames, the man was not happy with the results " So it failed..."

How do you judge failure of anything here? Were the flames supposed to be ochre yellow? Is Aruma supposed to be screaming in pain and hatred?


Now inside Aruma, there were two souls, one was Aruma's soul, the other one was created by all the sin from the past and the future, burning in cold blue flame, the flame of sins.

It might seem strange to ask this, given all the magic involved, but how the hell do you pack future sins into someone? Those sins haven't exactly been committed yet, have they?

Having the sin taken over Aruma's body, Aruma was attacking everything around him, all the guilty from the sin maker had made him gone in rampage,

...So what was the failure Baddad was referring to, here? His son rampaging around with all the sins ever, or he mangled grammar trying to convey said rampage?

Aruma keep throwing blue flames toward his father, but he dodged every single of them

Looks like Aruma's dad found the blind spot in Flame Fall ~EASY~. See, it's totally a Touohu fanfic.

then Aruma switched to close combat and punch him, Aruma's father block everything attack that Aruma throw toward him with a simple materialize spell, but eventually Aruma break through the spell and hit his father sending him flying toward the wall, smashed into it as he coughed some blood out.

Maybe it's just my lack of imagination, but what is this 'simple materialise' spell that is being used to block sinful punches full of sin? And why are we doing some sort of shounen fight scene now?

-So Craptastic Father is pummelled into paste until Aruma regains his senses-


A bright red flame started to ignite in Aruma's soul, then Aruma was burning in the bright flame " The flame of judgment, so the ritual finally succeeded, after all that years..." his father muttered.

So... having the sins corrupt the host and murder the hell out of the ritualist conducting the whole thing are all just part of the success stage? Good god the failures must have been messy affairs.

Aruma stopped burning, his eyes were now crimson red on the outside while purple in the center, there was a bunch of red and purple hair in front of his white hair, two souls had gained balance.


Sin: Not even once.
Pictured: Two souls in balance.

" Aruma, hold this" Aruma's father gave him a key " Opened the door in the room that I told you not to enter when you're small, there will be a suitcase, the suitcase will answer all of your questions that you want to ask me.

Leave it to Minato's role model to pawn off the annoying task of 'explain to my son why I'm going to ruin the shit out of his life' to a goddamn suitcase.

Soon an organization will come and chase you, you mustn't get caught by them. Now leave, I'm getting tired and sleepy, let me have some peace..."

Yeah Aruma, stop bugging the father you just murdered. He's a bit tired. Run along and hide from this mysterious organisation that I guess know all about you.

" Sayonara ... father, I don't hate you at all..."

I can't tell which part of this sentence annoys me more: Gratuitous Japanese, or pardoning an unforgivable act for no particular reason.

Then he burned his father's body then went back to home, he opened the door with the key that his father gave him, he grabbed the huge suitcase, he opened it, there was a set of clothes and a letter.

He... he just burned his body? Why? Was the world's worst father even dead yet? ...Was Aruma only pretending to be sad before exacting righteous revenge?

-Aruma reads the annoyingly long letter-

Dear ArumaI know when you are reading this letter, I'm already gone, this letter will explain every reason behind my actions and what you'll need to do.

So the uncontrollable murder was a known side-effect?

I am sure you would ask why did I perform that ritual that turned you into your current form. Well, it's a long story but I'll still have to tell you about it. Sin made a person to beg for mercy as they feel more and more guilty

It was at this moment that Aruma lamented his father's poor grasp of grammar and basic sentence structure,

eventually the person can't hold those feelings anymore and go on rampage and destroy everything around him, then people who were affected by the rampage will hate that person and revenge at him

THE WRONGED SHALL HAVE THEIR REVENGEANCE THIS DAY

He witnessed the chaos of sin, that's when he decided to perform a magic ritual that will turn himself in to sin itself, then he would also judge them.

Just saying, you can probably judge sins without being a sin itself. However that works. It's not like you have to become a murderer to decide that killing is wrong, after all.

(never mind the part there's already a judge in the setting perfectly capable of judging sins)

But when he got older he decided to perform the same ritual to his son, but it fails.

Fucking good. Is involuntary corruption of one's offspring a family tradition?!

The ritual turned his son into the carrier of all sin, but not the judge of sins, then his son gone rampage, bring a large amount of damage to Gensokyo.

O-oh. So 'failure' is literally the exact same as success in this scenario. That seems incredibly inconvenient.

-Skipping to the last sentence of this utterly massive paragragh because all that's left is 'I escaped Gensokyo for some reason'-

So yeah the ritual is a traditional custom in the Natsu family that I must do even if it means turning you into a monster.

Nowhere at all in this letter does it explain why this family force this stupid ritual on their children, nor why Shikieiki the ancestor can't just 'stay the judge of sins'. Even if he died of old age, this isn't the kind of setting where that would be a major inconvenience, you know.

-He gives a quick explanation about Gensokyo-

 I remember I was running away from my home after stealing the ritual formula then I was in Japan, the outside world. Funny right, I can't even remember where my home was.

...Are rituals just formulas? Also, why was this guy running away? I've yet to hear of any incident that would force this kind of thing.

but when I reached the outside world, information of the Natsu bloodline and Gensokyo leaked out to an organization for some reason, they learn about magic in Gensokyo, and they hunted me and the formula as they started to find Gensokyo.

How. How did they learn any of that. Did this 'organisation' happen to see you pop out of a random wall at the Hakurei Shrine's outside world location, carrying a bottle labelled 'REALLY STUPID SIN FORMULA' while you cried about leaving your magical homeland?

-Instead we have to learn how Aruma's dad met his mother-

Then I met your mother, she helped me hide from the organization, then before we know it we were in love and we gave birth to you

Riveting backstory, so glad it's here.

but one day the organization found our hiding place, I tried to fight against them but they got an army of people,

Why does this organisation exist?! Seriously, what was their purpose? It sounded like they either didn't exist, or did fuck-all until Minato 2.0 popped up out of nowhere. What is the purpose of this "army of people"?

 you mother died while running away from them, they were about to capture you but I came right in time, I'm sorry that I couldn't save her.

"I came right on time to let them kill my wife. Whoops."

This set of clothes were the clothes your ancestor had once wear on battle, it's said that only the one who's both the carrier of sin and judge of sins can wear it, it was kind of worn and of the fashion so I added few things

Well... fine, let's see what kind of clothes the judge of all sins will wear. Perhaps a fancy, dignified robe? Nah, wait, apparently a few things have been added to make it more modern. So...

Aruma pulled out the cloth, it was a white hoodie with red zippers and thick outlines

...A hoodie.The ancestor from centuries ago, from what was probably the era of feudal Japan, wears a modern-day hoodie. really now? And no, I highly doubt the hoodie part was added, because...

 there was few black hexagonal shaped armor with red outlines on the left side of the waist, and there is a long black shoulder armor the wrap diagonally from the left shoulder to the right waist, at the top a shape of a Phoenix's wings and a red gem can be seen, at the bottom a shape of a Ryu's tail and a blue gem can be seen. The pants was a long sleeve black pants with black knee armor and thick red line cutting through the knee armor. There was also a thin bronze cylinder.

...That. Just... all of that. If anything was 'added', it was the disjointed, utterly useless pieces of armour glued on to the clothes.

Believe or not, once you wear it it will let you access to your power of the carrier of sins and the judgment of sins,

So despite undergoing a ritual and clearly being consumed by the power of these time-challenged sins, he still needs to wear a specific set of clothes in order to use said powers?

And the big weird shoulder armor, I don't know much about it, but I heard that the two gems were actually two swords that can be summoned whenever you want when you wear it, also the shoulder armor will appear in your will, so you won't had to wear it in public.

Oh, so he didn't glue the armour on, it was just always there. And it doesn't even need to be there because they can disappear at will? And he's also conveniently 'heard' that the gems on said armour are also swords.

For a guy that ran away before he could undergo this ritual, he sure knows a metric fuckton about all the particulars.

Now the organization knows about the ritual success

How

they will hunt for you and the ritual formula, and they would rule over Gensokyo with your power once they capture you and found Gensokyo.

And they will find Gensokyo by... um... er... they're gonna... well, uh... l-look, it's obvious they'll totally find Gensokyo, there's just no point in thinking otherwise!

-The letter finally ends with Natsu Atlantis telling his tortured son to find his old home in Gensokyo and stick the 'ritual formula' there. And meet his grandfather I guess-

" Don't worry, I swear that I will complete your wish, I'll find Gensokyo and protect it against that organization, and... you never did something wrong. "

Look... if you want to forgive your dad for forcing all this bullshit on you... go ahead. That's your prerogative. Just please don't pretend he was a good person for it.

Then he wear the set of clothes.

Glad we established that immediately before a three year timeskip!

Aruma was flying in the sky in a ball of blue flames,

And he's done a bang-up job laying low, obviously.

He had been looking around the world for last three years trying to find Gensokyo by detecting is there any large amount of energy coming from the Hakurei barrier, but he couldn't even sense a single wave of energy

Probably because it'd be a shitty barrier if it were that easy to detect?

Plus he needs to hide from the organization, there are few times he got caught but Aruma managed to fight back and escape with few injuries.

Just sayin', the amount of times he got caught would be a lot closer to zero if he weren't setting himself on fire and zooming around the open sky, in  plain view of everyone.

Suddenly a light beam cut though Aruma's flame but thanks to his reflexes, he managed to dodge the beam, he got caught by the organization again.

oh golly gee willikers how did that happen he was so stealthy

" I'm not going to let you escape from Dan Ouja this time, I will capture you. " a person who's wearing black clothes with grey armor flew to the front with his black hoverboard while the rest of the crew followed and flew up to the sky.

What's with all the armour? What kind of name is Dan Ouja? A hoverboard? I'd ask how these guys also escaped Aruma's notice, but I imagine sitting in the middle of a fireball doesn't do much to help with vision.

As he flew away with max speed, he didn't know where he's heading but he knew that he need to get rid of them, the amount of army had increased again, he knew he can't win,

I feel silly for asking, but... how much army is there, exactly? Is there literally hundreds chasing him right now? Is it, like, a quirky squad of five? What the hell is the point in having super ultra omega sin powers if they do jack-shit to help against the very opponents you're supposed to be fighting?

after a while he stopped, he looks at his back, the organization was gone, he extinguished the flame around him as he floated in the air resting, unaware of the organization was charging up a magic spell aiming at him,

...They're aiming a spell at Aruma... who is so far away he can't see a single one of them in the skyline.

few yellow magic circle formed in the air then a thick beam of light blast out with an incredible speed, it hit Aruma before he even noticed it, it was too fast.

So either that magic blast can travel 400,000 mph, or Aruma has zero awareness of his surroundings. Oh how I wonder which one's more likely.

After receiving the spell without any protection he was knocked out, he started falling down high up the sky. Ouja was excited for the first moment when he saw the person he had been hunting for years finally falls

Exactly how it took three years to accomplish when it was this easy is another matter entirely.

but then a purple gap with lots of eyes suddenly appeared below Aruma, and Aruma falls into the hole and disappeared.

So that's three years of searching completely and utterly wasted. Yukari's trolling is as fearsome as ever, I see.

Ouja's excitement was wiped out in a blink of an eye, he cursed loudly as he destroyed everything around him.

Hey now, those clouds did nothing wrong!

-Aruma wakes up mid-fall-

Aruma smashed into the ground, the bricks on the ground went flying away from the ground " OuchOuchOuch IT HURTS~! " as he tried to get up. " Who are you? " " Do you realize that you just fall from the sky da ze? "

I love how little of a shit Reimu and Marisa give about the random idiot falling head-first into a pile of bricks.

Since the last paragraph is just describing their appearances and Aruma wondering where he is, let's call it a close here. So then... that was a thing, huh?

The author states in their closing notes that English is his second language, so I won't harp too much on the grammar (because we all know my writing is flawless right guys), but the story is... quite a mess. We have the MC being a random guy that has his life ruined bu his shitstain of a father, being okay with that, then doing absolutely nothing to hide from this 'organisation' and presumably being surprised every time he's found.

Also, this whole 'carrier of all sin' thing... I don't think it works particularly well in Touhou? There's already a judge of sin that's well above almost every other character anyways, so Aruma's position is just redundant, at best. And even if it fits the series... what is it about being a 'carrier of all sins' that makes him not only uniquely suited to be used to capture Gensokyo, but that he is both weak enough to be easily captured by Organisation Who and strong enough to capture a pocket dimension that, putting the 100+ characters aside, is run by Yukari Yakumo?

So yeah, not to my taste, shockingly enough. Why can't people write Touhou fanfics more like mine, which had hair-manipulating youkai as the final boss, or some random guy with 'chaos' powers that was totally almost as strong as Yuuka, and a maid with super dancing powers. Everyone knows that was pure literary genius. Literally.

Please don't emulate my shitty fanfics, kids.

Saturday, 18 November 2017

Card Gamer Lyrical Yugioh

You know, I've been wanting to poke a little fun at a Yugioh story for a while now. Because instead of finding one that's enjoyable to read, my time is apparently better spend finding something so bizarre and unwanted that I have to wonder who the people that leave one-line "reviews" are that seem to like them.

Today I came across a crossover fanfic! Between Yugioh and... uh... another Yugioh. Arc VX by RainfellSaturn crosses Yugioh GX with Yugioh Arc-V. That should be interesting, huh? GX's... kind of modern-ish setting mixed with Arc-V's slightly more futuristic setting, or perhaps it's replacing the Fusion Dimension with GX's academy?

Arc V /GX Crossover, Rather overpowered main pairing. Crossover with Lyrical Nanoha in as much as Fate Testarossa is the main female (no magical girl powers though) OC/Fate. Contains Arc V cards in the GX storyline, so the duels will be a little onesided in alot of cases. Rated T for Language, may increase later.

...Er. Right. A few questions then.


  1. No actual plot summary, then?
  2. 'overpowered main pairing', huh? At least it warns you out of the gate there'll be zero tension in the duels
  3. Fate Testarossa? Er... I know this a crossover, but it's a crossover between two Yugioh series. Why is Fate randomly added in?
  4. 'A little one-sided'? Hoo boy, if anyone is unfamiliar with the power gap between cards released over ten years ago with cards released within the last two or three...

I guess we should get started with the actual story, then? Hopefully there'll be a rough idea of what the plot'll be somewhere.

Ah, Kaibacorp Tower, holding the Duel Academy entrance exam here as a show as to who owns the Academy of course, Seto Kaiba, its owner.

Well that was delightfully redundant. The owner is Seto Kaiba, who is the owner.

The Guards recognize me as I turn up for the exam, held in a private room so as to avoid outside distraction. Not that I'm wearing your typical exam taker's clothes, nor am I your typical exam taker, but we'll get to that.

What even are 'typical exam-taker clothes'? Or a 'typical exam-taker', for that matter? In fact, what's an 'exam-taker'? Is it someone with a hankering for exams that just wanders into schools and takes whatever tests are being held that day?

My black and spiky hair, with purple tones, oddly, completely natural, never dyed it once. People sometimes say I dress like a punk, the fact that I wear a choker, a Pendulum pendant that I received when I was little, and goggles as common accessories doesn't exactly disparage such thoughts.

Haha, natural. Get it? Because Yugioh protagonists often have seven different colours in their hair at any given time! Yet he sounds like he's the second-most normal-sounding person after Jaden with hair like that. Just black and purple? Come on, now.

Meanwhile, a choker, pendulum pendant and goggles? Hm... where have I heard that before...

Just can't think of anything...
(thank you, Yugioh wiki)

The fact that I wear a dull green formal shirt with a dark blue tie, dark blue pants (trousers, for the British among you) and black boot like shoes, as well as a cape (well, capes are awesome, who doesn't like capes). Well, enough self reflection, lets look at the exam

...What about the fact? I think you lost your train of thought there.

Name - Kamito Kaiba (request for private marking to avoid bias due to name)

Fair enough. I too would take points off a student if his name was Kamito.

-From here we establish he can answer hilariously easy questions about summon conditions and ATK points. And that he can super easily do those 'win in one turn' puzzles you don't bother with on YGO Pro-

CONGRATULATIONS KAMITO KAIBA – SCORE 105% wait, I scored OVER 100%, odd
5% BONUS ADDED FOR CLEARING ALL WIN IN THIS TURN SCENARIOS IN THE MINIMUM NUMBER OF MOVES


That's not how scoring works. Fifty points from Obelisk Blue.

Please Proceed across town to the KaibaCorp duelling field for the practical half of your exam

Not that I wouldn't put it past Kaiba to be a big enough dick to make people travel from one end of a city to the other for no readily-apparent reason, but... why though? It's not like anyone else had to come to this tower, and I highly doubt this protagonist needed the extra assurance, considering the 'overpowered' warning.

Wait, people have got 100% before and it only predicts Ra, guess it must be the extra 5%.

So if you're literally perfect, you'e considered middle of the road in terms of skill. I have no idea how the original GX sorted out its' students, but surely it wasn't this inexplicable?

-He makes his way to the duel site, stopping for a Domino's Pizza because I guess they were really desperate for the ad revenue-

Some kid named Syrus just beat an Examiner with a Roid deck, I bristle at that, the only real Roids belong to Fate dammit!

Yeah, if there's an archetype that fits a magical girl known for her tragic backstory, loving nature, and combat capabilities second only to her girlfriend... it's the one with faces slapped on random vehicles. I'm sure she called dibs.

I feel angry all of a sudden, being reminded of Fate being missing

Uh, wait, what? That came out of nowhere. Probably because there wasn't a plot summary for whatever the hell is going on.

and then someone using a Roid deck, Speedroids are the only real Roids, as proved by the fact that the kid almost lost to a test proctor not even using a real deck.

Gee, it's almost like Syrus is using a, what, fifteen year-old deck or something! Crazy, innit?

Ah, I guess this means I was wrong, then. Fate isn't using the funny-face vehicle archetype, she's using the... one with all the spinning tops and... dice? Sure, that fits so much better?

Who's next on the watch list, slightly smug looking kid, looks like the type who would rather cuddle a calculator than a studded animal

...Okay, I like that line. You get one point, story.

Set card and Vorse Raider vs Gear Golem the Moving Fortress and Big shield Gardna eh, are the test decks really that weak, not even sticking to a specific archetype., I hope I get to face a real persons deck, or I'll be bored.

Complains about lack of archetypes in use.
Sets fanfic in a setting where archetypes were invented five minutes ago and barely worked as a deck if you were lucky.

I'll note that he's given the monster Big Shield Gardna it's real-life effect, as opposed to it being a normal monster that just has 2600 DEF and can be summoned for free. Mostly because the author seems to pick and choose which version of a card he likes more later on.

"Well applicant , you have 2 options, surrender or lose , facing down 2 monsters with more to come, what can you possibly do" Not be playing a weak test deck to the point that boring intimidation is the only method you have?

Man, the main character is such a badass, operating under 2017 Yugioh power levels, in a setting created around 2002, based on a game that goes through monumental power creep every six months. I can tell he has a complex knowledge of the game.

Bastian, ever the stalwart defender yells " I CHOOSE OPTION 3 , NONE OF THE ABOVE!"

Meanwhile, I haven't watched GX in years, but if the sheer number of fanfics that just copy/paste the first episode's script is any indication, Bastion should be rejecting choices A, B and C for D. And not quite in such a hot-blooded tone.

"I Activate my Face down, Ring of Destruction, targeting my own Vorse Raider " Coincidence that 1900 attack vs 1900 LP left examiner, I think not, Terminal planner this one.

"Oh look, I just so happened to lower my opponent's LP to 1900, and I just happened to draw Vorse Raider. I totally planned for this exact scenario to happen right now."

"You planned that duel down to the move didn't you, would be too coincidental otherwise to have a Ring of destruction ready with a 1900 attack monster and your opponent having 1900 LP left"
Bastian looks shocked , but just for a second 

See, even Bastion thinks it's ludicrous to assume his only win condition is "draw a specific vanilla monster, plus a trap card".

"They are, from what I can tell, It's to weed out the weak, without risking the stronger people losing due to bricking, or something"

...Okay, so... these proctors have been using weak decks against the students, so that the 'good' students don't lose because they drew the wrong card? That's... wha?

I guess this is why the anime never addresses bad draws outside of Joey or the one-off "I don't like duelling any more and this somehow ruins my consistency' episode. If this is the kind of reasoning they would come up with otherwise...

Bastian smiles and says "I got 100%, not a single question wrong" Puhlease, not like it was hard.
"I got 105%, got the 5% bonus for playing all of the WIN THIS TURN challenges perfectly without any wasted moves" Bastian looks shocked

I would be too, if I found out the scoring system is bullshit.

"You're that good? Have you duelled yet? "
Not that anyone can tell, but I roll my eyes under my goggles

...Why are you even wearing them? Do you like being laughed at?

-Meanwhile, at the proctors'... meeting place? I guess they mean the front row of the stands-

A Strange cross dresser appears to be looking through the list of applicants "Last name redacted, does this slacker think himself so important that his last name is hidden from the proctors, well, I'll show him, I'll duel him myself"

Well that's a ridiculously contrived way to have Super Ultra Cool Protagonist duel Crowler. I know he's a pompous ass, but not even he would associate 'name withheld' for 'LOL LAZINESS BETTER GO BULLY HIM'.

Also... cross-dresser? Uh... sure, his design is a bit strange, and the dub pokes fun at it, but... he's not wearing a frilly dress or anything. It's a fancy jacket. With a duel disk glued onto it. ...And sometimes has frills.

-Declaring his intent to use his own deck, we switch back to Kamito-

Wonder what's taking them so long
Kamito – name hidden for privacy reasons Report to duelling field four for your test duel

Well you didn't hide the silly first name, so the point is moot. On top of that, declaring to everyone present that he's hiding his name just sort of makes him a target, you know?

I arrive at duelling field four to find …. a Cross dresser? Standing in the opponents space on the field. This school has Cross-dressing proctors? Odd.

You seem oddly fixated on the non-existent cross-dressing going on, dude.

"As if a weak slacker stands a chance against me, I have a PHD in duelling, there's no way you'll get past me, and there's no way you'll get into the academy" At that last bit, I get angry again, I WILL get into the academy, if I have to destroy this idiot to do it.

And boy does he get angry easily. Wonder when he'll hulk out at the slightest provocation.

I feel rage in my soul, the thought of not being able to save Fate, NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM DOING THAT.

Oh, the next sentence. Seriously, one weak taunt and you immediately jump to "RAGE IN MY SOUL"?

My eyes, under the goggles are glowing dark purple, an air of anger to my duelling, Berserk mode, albeit a minor case of it.

His Mad Enhancement rank is E, so he gets to stay sane while being super angry. At least this is a totally unique trait to the protagonist, and not another detail lifted from Yuya, right? Wouldn't it just be silly if Yuya also went 'berserk' sometimes and the author just lifted that wholesale, too?

Seriously this is literally Yuya with Yuto's colour scheme how lazy can you get.

"BRING IT ON!" I roar, darkly, causing everyone to gasp.

Literally everyone.

"Well Slacker, how about we decide who takes the first move" Crowler said. With a faint scoff, I , the yet to be unmasked Kamito

WHEN WAS HE MASKED TO BEGIN WITH?!

So not only is he wearing goggles, but underneath those, he's got a mask on too? Is it a Kabuki mask? A Kaibaman mask? Revolver mask? Help me out here, I need to know exactly how silly he looks right now.

son of Seto Kaiba decided on the sarcastic response "Ladies first, I insist" I let out, bored with having to listen to the fools blustering.
"LADY, I AM A MALE PROFFESSOR WITH A PHD IN DUELLING" Crowler snarled, clearly having woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, or PMS, its hard to tell with these cross dressers.

More and more, I am convinced the author would be a pleasant person to talk to in real life.

"I draw!" Ending his draw phase, switching to standby and with no effects to happen switching straight to his main phase.

Congratulations, you know happens at the start of every turn. 

-To summarise Crowler's turn, he does exactly what he does in the show, and summons his Antique Gear Golem by using up his whole hand-

"I end my turn, see if you can match that Slacker" Why does the cross dresser expect me to match that, it was an awful play, he left himself wide open, no facedowns, no protective effects, might have been a good play going second, but going first, its just plain awful

I'm sure even from a meta standpoint back in the early 2000's, it was a bad move, but hey, 3000 ATK is 3000 ATK. Didn't draw your Raigeki? Sucks to be you for the next few turns. But hey, let's see what happens when you use a modern deck from a time when you can summon sixty monsters and search out all of your power plays.

"I draw." I say, emotionlessly. Cards in my hand are rather interesting, only need 2 of them to win though.

An emotionless berserker. Whatever you say, Hardcore Awesome Protagonist.

-Kamito reveals his deck to be Entermates Performapals, a Pendulum based deck that's filled with weak monsters that buff each... and was one half of one of the most broken decks in the games' history because it has some of the strongest deck-searching power in the game. Figures. He summons two monsters-

In the crowd, amid the fools that underestimate cards purely based on stats (oddly wearing blue jackets, I thought they were supposed to be the good ones) A boy with brown hair voices his assumption that I'm going to fuse to get over these weak machines, not a bad assumption mind you, but incorrect of course.

Of course. Meanwhile, Kamito exhibits his super-hearing powers. That must come in real handy.

A blonde girl and a man with oddly natural looking blue hair (stranger things have happened) seem to know what I have planned

You can tell that two strangers, who have never seen Performapals before, know exactly what you're going to do next?

likely the blue haired student is a 3rd year, and met Fate whilst she was here before she disappeared and is expecting something similar, and blonde girl seems to be similar to me, hiding the pain of loss under a mask, though not as literal as mine.

...How do you know these things?!

"The pieces are in place, and one of my decks true evolution's will manifest" I proclaim, angrily at the fools who think my deck weak.
"With the Level 4 Entermate Silver Claw and the Level 4 Entermate Helprincess I BUILD THE OVERLAY NETWORK"

Hm... two level 4 monsters... a Performapal deck... has stolen his entire character concept from Yuya and Yuto... gee I wonder what popular Rank 4 monster that was used a lot by the two aforementioned characters is going to appear here.

"Formed from pitch-black darkness, to fight those foolish enough to oppose it with its treacherous fangs! Now, descend! Xyz Summon! Appear! Rank 4! Dark Rebellion Xyz Dragon"

Damn it I thought it would be Utopia.

I suppose I should point out that he's decided to buff Dark Rebellion for some reason; instead of using both both Xyz materials for its' effect, it only needs one. Which means it can use it's fairly powerful effect twice. Because I guess consistent rules for what cards you're using is too hard when you could just cheat to make one-turn kills possible, huh?

-And so, using the effect twice, he is able to deal exactly 4000 damage to win-

The blonde girl at this point decides to add "No way, a one turn kill on one of Crowler's best cards, beating him like he was nothing, Zane this guy could be a match for you"
Zane , obviously the blue haired boys name replies "I doubt he's shown anywhere near what he's capable of yet Alexis , he hasn't even shown who he really is yet."

How to convince the reader that your super omega cool OC is awesome: Have one of the strongest duelists in the series prattle on about how he's totally not even close to showing off his final form or whatever.

The impact of the attack almost blowing Crowler into a nearby wall , whoops, forgot that tends to happen when I'm annoyed.

So basically every time you duel, since literally everything seems to annoy you somehow.

"Fate my lost love, I will find you, no matter what I have to do" I whisper to myself

Man, he is so pained and sad. I feel for him and his well-established relationship with the lesbian magical girl who is his girlfriend now.

And then the major surprise happens, a rather well known man, tall, dark hair, white duelling coat, obsession with Blue-Eyes White Dragon, yes, Seto Kaiba, walks out of the shadows.

Wherever those shadows were. He did a good job hiding from the several hundred people inside the arena by hiding his bright-white coat inside a slightly-dark corner.

"A rather easy duel for you eh Kamito, not that anyone other than Fate has ever beat you , not even me" Kaiba intones, amused and rather casual, as he always is unless Yugi or someone else made him mad.

Because if Kaiba is known for anything, it's that he is a graceful loser that in no way holds an obsessive grudge and would totally never go as far as resurrecting the dead if it means beating someone at a card game.

"You expected any less Dad? Guess you had me enter in disguise to see what peoples reaction would be to my deck"

Yeah, because that brilliant disguise did so much to make your deck stand out.

He then confirms exactly that "As much as , being the owner, I could just get you in, I wanted to see you crush the instructor and take the exam, to show them your own merits, of course, you'll be in Obelisk blue, though I will get them to allow you to wear your own clothes, light colours don't exactly suit you after all. Your boat has been sent ahead, will send supplies as you need, If anyone can find her, you can"

So despite having him qualify for the school like any other student, he's still getting preferential treatment because he's your son. Good job Kaiba.

Crowler recovers from his shock at this point "WAIT A SECOND, I JUST LOST TO SETO KAIBA'S SON, THAT IS FAR BETTER THAN LOSING TO A SLACKER AT LEAST"

THAT IS GOOD TO KNOW, ZOAH. NOW PLEASE QUIET DOWN.

I then walk away, head held high, face still not unmasked, wonder if people will assume I'm a Vampire or something.

They'll assume you like looking utterly ridiculous. The hell does a vampire have to do with a mask and goggles?

Good thing no one noticed that the attack on that Gear Golem was actually real, well, Dad noticed, but eh, he doesn't care.

So not even Crowler noticed that the massive, lightning-wielding dragon made of shadows and treason dealt physical damage to him? He's a pompous dick, not a brainless dumbass.

I wasn't the last duelist, apparently, a guy named Jaden Yooki? Yuki? Yuuki? Something like that has yet to duel,

So apparently the Perfectly Ultimate Great Protagonist can't figure out how to pronounce what has to be the most common Japanese name besides Sakura. Boy I sure do love reading about this guy.

and the guy before me, Bastian Misawa, he may have beat the test proctor, but his strategy seems weak, like he plans his duels with maths and science or something

Making the most optimal plays based on his knowledge of the opponent and his current resources is a bad way to play? Well, guessed I learned something today.

Well, lets watch this Jaden duel shall weHaha, it seems Crowler is pissed that I beat him so easily and is taking it out on a relative unknown, well then, lets see what this little guy has.

He then proceeds to ignore the duel in order to converse with Zane and Alexis. I guess this means I'm spared of his witty commentary on 2002 duelling strategies and how it totally sucks.

Alexis speaks first "Great duel, I've never heard of XYZ summons before, but they're really powerful, could you give me a quick explanation on them please" 

Even though you apparently knew he was going to Xyz summon and win on his first turn five minutes ago. Eh, not like consistency is important.

-He then gives a nice little tutorial on Xyz monsters, probably to make his favourite GX characters look good by understanding how it works instantly-

"By the way, who was the noisy guy who was shouting about luck and how I would have never beat Doctor Crowler, and then immediately changed his mind on that when he realized I was a Kaiba"

Huh, Kamito's hearing is so amazing he can hear comments that weren't even written in the narrative.

Alexis decides to ask a personal question, one I was expecting but hoping they wouldn't ask "By the way, what's with the mask and goggles, it looks cool

No, no it does not. Author, stop trying to justify your silly design choices.

Fashion comments and girls, I swear Fate was the only one who didn't make them.

Dude I get it you love Fate so much you made one of the flagship yuri characters your male OC's girlfriend.

"The goggles are technological, multiple filters, in case I end up searching through the dark, and the mask is protective, though, I do mostly wear them because I'm not a happy person.

I suppose you would need to be to think wearing them at all times is a good idea.

2 years ago, I was too ill to go, but Fate, someone I care for more than my own existence went to the duel academy special seminar, and ever since that, she was missing. I intend to find her, and make whoever took her away from me pay dearly." Tears in my eyes at this point, not that they can see through the goggles

Goggles would do nothing to hide tears. They aren't shaded visors. You'd think he'd know that, given how often Yuya cried while wearing them.

Meanwhile, Fate went missing in that unexplained event from GX where a whole dorm of students went missing and were never really recovered. Well, aside from Alexis' brother, not that he offered any clues as to what the hell happened. Still want to know why the academy itself wasn't shut down for that kind of thing.

Alexis, slightly much shyer than myself or Zane

She what now.

asks "Hey, Zane's already my friend, would you like to be my friend as well Kamito" I smile, not that she can see it

Well maybe if you take off your dumbass mask.

"Sure Alexis, hey Zane, how about you?" Zane smiles fiercely

Because if there's one thing the stoic badass of the school is known for, it's his fierce smile.

Motioning toward the duel being prepared on the now slightly damaged (whoops) duelling field four

Seriously is no one going to question that a hologram smashed through concrete/marble/whatever the floor's made of here?

 I note "So, what do you think of the kid that's about to duel? I'd bet on him running some kind of warrior type deck, likely HERO based on his spiffy happy go lucky attitude"

Uh... how the hell can you tell exactly what his deck is based on his 'attitude'? I mean, yeah, Yugioh characters tend to be overtly themed to whatever their deck is, but Jaden isn't exactly running around with a cape and spandex suit, is he? He could be running Vanilla Beatdown for all the indication 'spiffy attitude' gives.

I neglect to mention that I can see his duel spirit partner, Winged Kuriboh?

Oh yes, of course he can see monster ghosts too. We can't have him being too underpowered, can we? And yes, the flying ball of fur that has nothing to do with Warriors or Heroes was clearly the indicator that Jaden used a HERO deck. I can see the link there.

I see he ran into Yugi on the way here

HOW. DO. YOU. KNOW. THAT.

-The duel between Jaden and Crowler only now just starts. That sure took a while. Guess I need to endure the lovely commentary after all. Since there's nothing of value to see here, I'll just skip over most of the duel. It plays out exactly like the show anyway-

I turn to Zane and sigh "Was at least expecting a Man-eater Bug or something, Guessing he plans to somehow get that Avian back and fuse it" Alexis and Zane look contemplative for a second and then nod, before Alexis replies "How is it you see through his strategy so easily when you aren't even the one duelling him"

>Bitches and moans about people not using an archetype
>Is disappointed that an archetype user is not using a card outside the archetype.

Can you please stick to a crappy character trait? It's be nice if your list of flaws wasn't constantly expanding.

Easy question this time "I just think what I'd do in that situation, likely he plans to use the HERO field Magic to get over Gear Golem

Also, good job predicting that the person who uses an archetype based on fusion summoning... is going to fusion summon. I can see why you're a genius.

"I end my turn " Crowler intones in a way only a half Italian cross dresser can.

I... just don't get this any more.

Alexis turns to me, chuckling "Crowler really took your lesson to heart, I doubt he knew what Winged Kuriboh actually did, but remembered what you said about not underestimating monsters and that unless its a normal monster, expect an effect"

Aw, how nice. Kamito is promoting character development. Now I see why his existence is justified.

Nevermind that we're now using an anime-version effect, since the real life Winged Kuriboh would've still had him take damage. Lol consistency.

-So Jaden wins the duel exactly as predicted, good for him. Alexis wants to know more about Kamito getting to live in a boat because Priviledge-

I ponder that for a second "Oh, that, Luxury Boat, high end kitchen, I like to cook for myself, also, high security, has its own Computer, my D-wheel, and well, I'm used to sleeping in it, sleeping in an unsecured dorm room in a place where people have disappeared, not exactly my idea of safe."

Firstly, ugh, D-Wheels.

Secondly... why is this guy the only person to question the security of a school that had an entire dorm go missing?!

I chuckle, usually its guys that are excited by that "Yeah, Fate and I are the ones who designed them, they have slots for your duel disk, so if you're bored, or an adrenaline junkie you can have duels at high speeds, or you can just use them as a cool looking motorcycle."

Because in a setting not designed to accommodate motorbikes going at 100mph while playing a card game, the best thing to add to it are motobikes that exist solely to play a card game at 100mph.

"Well, I'll see you guys at the Academy, hope to duel ya soon." Those two perked me up, gave me hope I haven't had for a while, maybe this place won't be so bad after all, as long as I don't say that out loud, Murphy and his laws have a lot to answer to after all.
Phase one complete. I will find you and I will save you Fate. I swear it.

And with that, this chapter finally comes to an end. Boy, was that needlessly lengthy. Must have been all that unnecessary retreading of the first episode, interspersed with the totally amazing commentary on outdated decks.

One last thing to note is that the author points out his OC is basically 'What if Yuto absorbed Yuya instead of the other way around'. Really not sure how that makes him suddenly want to wear a mask as well as a pair of goggles, but there you go.

I have to wonder though... what exactly is the point of this story? Pointing out that Arc-V era cards and strategies are superior to ones from 10-15 years ago? I mean... yeah, we kind of figured that. Remember when a level 4 monster with 2000 ATK needed a crippling drawback to be considered balanced? Remember when summoning two monsters in one turn was a bit of a challenge?

Meanwhile - and this is a personal gripe - I'm not too fond of the idea of making a lesbian character have a relationship with a guy. I know, I know, it's a fanfic, and a crossover at that with a non-existent Nanoha, but.. there's so little canonically gay characters as-is in media. Was it really so hard to just... I dunno, base an OC around Fate? The main character was already Literally Yuya/Yuto except with a random mask, appearance-wise.

But yeah, guess I'm done grumbling. If I stop being lazy in the future, maybe I'll complain about GX having this weird problem with everyone literally reposting the first episode, except with Jaden's twin sister also being around to beat Crowler immediately before/after him, and all dialogue being exactly the same.